How Prayer Helps Couples Overcome Relationship Problems

By Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

Couples who pray for one another (not necessarily even praying together) may experience increased forgiveness, compassion, love, and selflessness. These powerful effects of prayer can help ease different types of relationship or marriage problems — no matter what religion or spirituality you practice! Here’s what a psychologist found when studying the effects of praying for a partner…

But first, a quip:

“The trouble with our praying is, we just do it as a last resort.” ~ Will Rogers.
If you only pray for your marriage when you’re having problems, then you’re less likely to enjoy the benefits of a prayer-soaked relationship! Prayer – like any healthy habit – works best when it’s done regularly (but necessarily “religiously”).

 And, here’s how prayer can help married couples overcome difficulties…


Psychological Research and Couples Who Pray for Each Other

Florida State University psychologist Nathaniel Lambert tested the effects of prayer on love relationships. He and his colleagues asked study participants to pray one single prayer for their romantic partner’s well-being. The other participants in the study – the experimental controls – simply described their partner, speaking into a tape recorder.
When Lambert measured forgiveness (or “the diminishing of the initial negative feelings that arise when you’ve been wronged”), he found that people who prayed for their partners harbored fewer vengeful thoughts and emotions. They were more ready to forgive and move on.


How Prayer Helps Couples Solve Relationship Problems

According to this research, couples often profess and believe in shared goals. But, when they face marriage problems, they switch to adversarial goals such as retribution and resentment. These adversarial goals shift the cognitive focus to the self, and it can be tough to shake that self-focus.
Praying for your partner or spouse appears to shift attention from yourself back to others, which allows the resentments to fade. Praying for your spouse, even if you don’t pray together as a couple, can change how you cope with marriage problems. Prayer can help you build a more spiritual relationship with your partner – not by changing him or her, but by changing you.


Prayer May Not Make Marriage Problems Disappear, But…

“Praying opens us to spiritual energy,” writes my “Quips and Tips for Spiritual Seekers” blog partner Gini Grey, in The Healing Effects of Prayer. “This energy flows naturally throughout our body, but it often gets blocked by stuffed emotions, unhealed pain, and negative thinking patterns. When we pray, we surrender to this healing energy and it restores balance to our mind and body.”

And the more balanced our minds and bodies are, the more loving, compassionate, and forgiving we feel towards those around us. These positive feelings don’t just help us overcome marriage problems, they change how we act towards the people in our lives — even those we aren’t romantically involved with, such as coworkers, neighbors, store clerks, children, etc.

Praying for your spouse won’t necessarily prevent different types of relationship problems from occurring. No matter how spiritual or happy your marriage is, there will always be minor annoyances and major life difficulties! Praying offers something even better than the possibility of changing outward circumstances: it empowers you to make the changes you want to see in your life and relationships.



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