By C. Pemo
While you might think that every relationship has its ups and downs, these changes in feelings do not have to be so violent, as they are in some more volatile partnerships. Why not find ways to keep your relationship on an even keel where you are not having the dramatic highs or the plummeting lows? Maybe you can create peace in your relationship! Here are some useful tips.
1) Learning to enjoy peace
What is interesting about being calm is that many people actually feel unsettled by it. Instead of being able to relax, people seem to feel like they are somehow missing out on something or not being realistic in some way. When they stop being so reactive to everything that happens, they can begin to feel like something is missing, and it is.
Being addicted to drama is just the same as any other addiction. In a relationship, when you become addicted to drama, you feel the splendor of the highs, and the horrible sadness of the lows.
But when you move away from either point, you can begin to feel so strongly that you become addicted to the feeling. When you are really low, you can get the attention of your friends and family to help you through the darker times.
This attention is calming and nurturing, allowing you to feel rewarded for the pain that you are in. On the other hand, when you are in the highs, the happiness that you feel is wondrous and you feel like you can do anything.
In order to truly create the idea of peace in your relationship, you need to begin to appreciate the idea of being steady and calm. Your relationship will have ups and downs, but they do not need to be as drastic in order to be normal. Try to find the quiet in your relationship by taking a few moments before reacting to something or taking some time to sit with your feelings instead of trying to experience them with others.
2) Finding peace
In your relationship, you can find peace, even if you are accustomed to drama. All you have to do is realize that you can be happy with peace. To do this, you will want to start keeping a list of the things that make you happy about your relationship.
This will allow you to have a reference point for when you are not feeling as happy about your relationship. You can pull out this journal or notebook whenever things feel worse than they are in order to remember where you have come from. Sadness passes, leave your self reminders of this.
On the other hand, when you are really happy, it can help to remind yourself that relationships are not necessarily going to be romantic stories every day. Seriously speaking, who has the energy? By looking again at your journal of the simple things that have made you happy, you can remember this as well.
3) Keeping the peace
In order to cultivate peace in your relationship, you will want to start a system of talking out problems before they begin. Set up a rule that you will always talk openly about things that are upsetting you and that the one that is listening will not react in any way to this kind of conversation.
This will allow you to find objectivity with your feelings and not automatically attribute your relationship as doomed when you have these feelings. Instead, you will want to change the way that you talk about your feelings. Try the third person, for example. When you start to place your feelings outside of your self and your relationship, you will allow yourself to see solutions that you can not always see in the complicated weave of emotions that you might be having.
This is not to say that you need to completely distance yourself from your relationship in order to find peace, but it does mean that you will want to remember that your relationship does not need to react to everything that happens around you. You can solve problems without becoming overly emotional or needing to create drama in order to balance yourself out.
A peaceful relationship will feel odd at first when you are used to otherwise. However, when you realize how warm and comfortable a peaceful relationship can be, you will start to see the value in not having such strong reactions to everything, and your relationship will flourish because of your peace.
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