Stop Being Too Nice

By  Felicity MacKaye


One of the most prominent beliefs women have about dating is that they should be “nice girls” – the kind of women who are willing to make a commitment to make their relationship the biggest priority in their lives. They are happy to put their man first and devote considerable time and attention to growing their relationship. They try to be agreeable and take their man’s wants and needs to heart whenever they make any decision so the relationship is as smooth and conflict-free as possible.

Unfortunately, men have a different idea of what a “nice girl” is. When men think of “nice girls,” they think of someone who has no life of her own and who can’t make decisions for herself. She’s a girl who doesn’t know what she wants, doesn’t have much self confidence, and who welcomes a relationship with any guy who wants her. She isn’t much of a challenge because she’s willing to drop everything if he needs her and she will bend over backwards at his beck and call.

Some women approach relationships as the subservient partner. They let their man take the reins over who she is, who she interacts with, and what she does. Sometimes they will even stop doing things they enjoy because their man doesn’t want her to continue. They start to dress in the way their man wants them to. They take up his interests and hobbies. And they support him in his life goals – to the detriment of their own self-image and personal goals.

The problem with this approach lies in self-respect. If you are willing to do what it takes to “make a relationship work” with any old guy – to the point where you compromise your interests – you are giving away your power. And no one can respect someone who doesn’t respect herself.

Respect is a crucial component to any healthy relationship, and without it, the relationship dies.

The truth is that quality men don’t want to take control of your life. They want an engaging, positive woman who runs her own life, and whom they can spend time with.

It is absolutely essential to put yourself first, voice your own opinions, and pursue your dreams.

We teach others how to treat us by the way we treat ourselves. The more you exude uncertainty, indecisiveness, and doubt, the more likely you will attract others to you who will walk all over you.
They act by example. If you don’t respect yourselves, no one else will.

The solution to this problem is to develop a healthy disregard of what other people think. Yes, sometimes another person’s feedback is helpful and constructive, but if you constantly assess your own worth based on what other people think, what the media deems as the “perfect” woman, or how others define “success,” you are setting yourself up for failure.

No matter what you do, you won’t be able to please everyone. And the more you try to please everyone, the more you ignore your own needs and wants.

Instead of spending all your time focusing on who your parents, friends, dates, coworkers and others think you should be, respect yourself enough to follow your dreams and prioritize your passions. It’s your responsibility look out for your own best interests.




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