George Benson - I Just Wanna Hang Around You

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Quote Of The Week

"You can’t love with fear in your heart and hesitation in your mind." ~ Chantal Percell


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The Roots - You Got Me ft. Erykah Badu

Through the good times and the bad....your partner should know they have you....things will always get weary at some point but it is important to focus on what the love that you both have for eachother...despite what the world says






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Al Green - Let's Stay Together (Lyrics)

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How to Keep Your Relationship Happy with Small, Meaningful Gestures

Every relationship has times when things aren't so happy. The good news is that's fixable. The better news is that you can do it without spending a lot of time or money. Small gestures can be just as meaningful as extravagant ones.

Keep Your Relationship Happy: Step One

The first step you can take to keep your relationship happy is to stop taking your partner for granted. Think back to the beginning of your relationship. Chances are you were both happy. You were enjoying each other, and enjoying doing things for each other.

Most likely not all of the things you did when you were starting your relationship were over-the-top. Small gestures probably meant a lot to both you and your partner. Signs that you care are what made got your relationship started in the first place - and you were both pretty happy then, right?

Keep Your Relationship Happy: Step Two

Okay, so you remember how happy the beginning of your relationship was. If you really want to keep your relationship happy, now is the time to break the "why should I?" cycle.

It's really easy to get stuck in the "why should I?" relationship cycle. In fact, it's so easy that I can't name anyone I know that I haven't seen in this cycle. The problem is that this doesn't make for a happy relationship.

Even if you know that you aren't doing all that you can to keep your relationship happy, you can justify it. Your partner's behavior is probably different from the way it was in the beginning, too. Why should you have to be the one to change? Why should you make more of an effort than your partner is (or seems to be) making?

Why should you? Taking the initiative, making the first motion, and breaking the cycle isn't a bad thing or a sign of weakness. Actually, if you want a happy relationship, it's a good thing. It's a sign of caring and love.

Besides, thinking that you shouldn't have to be the first to make an effort isn't getting your relationship anywhere. Your partner may very well be using the same justification. The bottom line, "why should you", is that this is a negative relationship cycle. If you want a happy relationship, you should break this negative cycle - and it will probably be easier than you think!

Keep Your Relationship Happy: Step Three

So, are your ready to work on your happy relationship? Do you think it's time to try out some of those small, simple gestures that are oh-so-meaningful?

You probably already know most of the tricks to help keep your relationship happy. Extending to your partner the simple courtesy that you extend to others in your life really helps - and it isn't always remembered.

Simple courtesy is the easiest way to keep your relationship happy, and it should be practiced by both partners. It is the little reminders that you are aware of your partner, and that you care.

Do what you say you will do. Call if you know you will be late. Hold the door for your partner. Offer to pick up something at the store on your way home. If you are leaving first, wipe the snow from your partner's windshield, or offer to start their car to warm up.

These simple courtesies that we extend everyday should always be extended to our partner. They can be easy to forget, since we know that our partner will understand. Remembering them will help keep your relationship happy. Your partner will be happy to see that you are thinking of them.

Keep Your Relationship Happy: Step 4

We all know someone who is just so charming; they always know the perfectly thoughtful thing to do. You can do that, too. Paying attention to the details can help you pick up on how your partner feels. Using those details can help keep your relationship happy.

For example, you probably have heard your partner say that something is their least-favorite chore. Your partner has probably also mentioned their favorite meal, or a treat they enjoy. Small details such as these can be very useful in keeping your relationship happy.

Noting the details helps you learn about the likes and dislikes of your partner. This is a sort of positive ammunition. You can use these details to keep your relationship happy.

The first way to use these details to keep your relationship happy is to cheer up your partner. If your partner has had a bad day, make them their favorite meal or do a chore that is usually "theirs" that you

know they don't like. This shows your partner two things: first, that you know them well enough to know how to cheer them up, and second, that you care enough to notice when they are unhappy and to want to fix it.

A great way to keep your relationship happy is to use these little details at unexpected times. You don't have to order a dozen roses or the new muffler your partner has been drooling over to randomly cheer up your partner with a surprise. Even small gestures, like picking up a new magazine that you think they'll like, make a difference. When there is no reason, these gestures mean even more.

It isn't as hard as you may think to keep your relationship happy. It's all in the details, and the small gestures. Show your partner that you think of them, and that they matter to you, and you can expect to see a happy relationship.

SOURCE: http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/154977/how_to_keep_your_relationship_happy_pg3.html?cat=41

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10 Crucial and Surprising Steps to Build Trust in a Relationship [Part-3]

7. State who YOU are - loudly. It is very sad to see those in relationships of emotional investment hold back from letting the other person know who they really are. You build trust in a relationship by entrusting your SELF to the other person. This sounds easy but I find it difficult for most to pull off. Most of us have a difficult time declaring our SELF. For one thing, if you're like most of us, you haven't given much thought to what it is that makes YOU truly YOU. Don't you feel like you glide through life on autopilot, focusing on tasks, goals, accomplishments, problems and the external realities? Don't you tend to focus on those things out there or that person out there? You're concerned about what he is thinking, how he is responding to you, whether he likes you, whether he will be an obstacle and where he will fit in your life? Your conversations may be pleasant but fairly superficial and bluntly, boringly inane. You converse about things/relationships/events out there. You are reluctant to share your thoughts, values, and impressions or take a stand. This doesn't destroy trust. But it doesn't create it either. And, if you do take a stand it may serve the purpose of protecting you or entrenching you as you react against someone. This more often than not creates trust barriers. Take some time to reflect on your standards. What are your standards for a relationship? What standards do you hold for yourself? What do you order your life around? What are the 4 top values in your life? What are some themes that you live by? What are you known for? And then...begin letting significant people in your life know. They will respect you. They will know you more deeply. They will thank you for the opportunity to know you. They will see you as a person of character. They will trust you. They can count on you. They know exactly what is behind and within you.

8. Learn to say NO! Sometimes you need to say NO! Often it is crucial to say NO! Saying NO sets boundaries around you that protects you from being hurt or venturing into territory that will be destructive to your heart and soul. You draw a line. You stop tolerating that which drains energy and makes you less than YOU. You refuse to allow the destructive behaviors of others to destroy you. You build a moat around the core of your life. You do this by informing the other person of what they are doing. You request they stop. If they don't stop, you demand they stop. If they don't stop you walk away without a snide remark, eye-roll or comment. To some this seems harsh, but saying NO is RESPECTED. Fear is the basis of mistrust. If you fear that someone will hurt you and believe you have no recourse but to endure that hurt, fear will prevail. How can you trust when you are in fear? Saying NO, protecting yourself, sends a message to the other person that you will not live in fear. This usually triggers a response of respect from the other person. After all, if you can protect yourself and refuse subjugation to that which is destructive, will not the other person come to trust you and see you as a person who just might protect him/her from harm as well?

9. Charge Neutral. When your significant other expresses something powerfully, charge neutral. Most of us are afraid of strong feelings or points of contention in a relationship. I commonly hear people respond by defending themselves (to a perceived attack), explaining themselves, counter-attacking, shutting down, or walking away. Of course, the relationship remains stuck in this quagmire of mistrust and fear. Rather than reacting and having your feelings flowing all over the place or shutting down, practice charging neutral. Communicate calmness, not only in your tone of voice but also in how you carry your body. Don't speak with a charge to your voice. Control your voice! Say what you must say, state the truth and do it directly and calmly. You can do this, once you master your fears. It will dramatically change the flow of the relationship. You will be able to point out something big, without making a big deal out of it. You will be in control of you. This not only feels great, but your partner trusts that you won't fly or fall apart. You will experience your personal power. This makes you very attractive. Don't people really trust someone who knows their personal power and how to use it for the welfare of themselves and others? Your partner will love the fact that she can trust you consistently to operate from your "quiet center," remain engaged, not back down and speak the truth with conviction and calmness.

10. Dig into the dirt. Relationships of emotional investment, by their nature, bring trials, tribulations, fears, chaos, turmoil, change, stretching and growth. They become the grist from which your life is shaped and formed. Be fearless when faced with turmoil, upset, crisis, questions, and fears. When the time is right, seek them out. Move toward the frightening unknown. Dig into the dirt of your relationship and uncover the treasures. Do you really TRUST that this can happen? The purpose of your relationship is not to just make you happy. Do you realize this? Happiness may be an outcome, but your other is given to you to move you to where you really want to be. Obstacles, trials and moments of pain are given as lessons on which you intentionally write the script of your life individually and together. Embrace the difficult. Trust that in this embracing you will find more of your true self. Trust that you are given the resources and capacity to face what you and your significant other are to face. Once you are able to believe and trust these ultimate purposes, trusting your significant other will be that much more easy.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Dr._Robert_Huizenga

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Earth, Wind & Fire (Live) - Thats the Way of the World

Their style may have been questionable.....but their message was definitely not =) ....ENJOY!




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Stevie Wonder: That Girl (original music video)

I never knew this song had a video....interesting....but the song is classic! Enjoy!






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5 of The Most Unique Wedding Themes

You are planning your dream wedding, this time its for real. This is a once-in-a-lifetime event in your life. Of course, you want it to be the most beautiful and the most unique of weddings. This should be the incomparable to those weddings you have attended before.

You want to think of a unique theme for the wedding that should be a cut above the rest. Let me give you some unique ideas that you could use or incorporate into your wedding.

1. Elvis Presley Wedding
If you are die-hard fan of Elvis Presley and you want to hold your unique wedding in Las Vegas, the Graceland Wedding Chapel, concocted a wedding ceremony highlighting Elvis Presley. Its as if Elvis were truly there! You could even request Elvis to walk the bride down the aisle and give her to the groom. He will also double as the entertainer as he serenades you with his famous love songs.

2. Celestial Wedding
You want a wedding that’s made in heaven? Plan one that includes giveaways designed as angels, stars or moons. Place cards can be placed in angel candle placecard holders. Plastic golden star garlands will add beauty and romance to doorways, tables and paths. For table centerpieces, dump crystal stars and moons in different colors in fishbowls or star-shaped bowls.

3. Grand Canyon Helicopter Wedding
Your wedding day should be a memorable one. Who would ever forget if you got married right at the bottom of Grand Canyon, 4000 feet below, in a helicopter. You would enjoy a wedding right at the banks of the famous Colorado River. After the wedding, you ascend in the helicopter and be met with a limousine and spend the night in Las Vegas.

4. Your Favorite Animal or Insect Wedding
It would be truly one-of-a-kind if you designed your wedding around your favorite animal or insect. Doves, butterflies and dolphins are beautiful creatures that would add beauty to your wedding set. Give-aways in crystal or ceramics designed as butterflies or dolphins are truly loveable. Centerpieces carrying the same animals or insects would bring even better effect to your wedding.

5. Wedding Filled With Big Band Music
What a fun wedding it would be if a big band played music all-night long at your wedding reception. Music of the 30s or 40s is a unique era that would enliven everyone present. To go with the music, the bride could wear a slim suit with drop shoulder and full length gloves. A netted face veil on a hat is fitting for the outfit. The groom, on the other hand, could go for a suit in pin stripes or army theme. The invitation could include a picture of the bride and groom in black and white to make it look really antique. The dance floor could be filled with balloons just like in the 30s or 40s.

Given these wonderful unique ideas, you could set forth to finding the right theme for your wedding. There are millions of places to look for those unique wedding accessories, cakes, decors, invitations and give-aways. It would just take much patience to design the perfect and unique wedding that only you could design.
hopefully useful!

source:http://readnewsandarticles.blogspot.com/2011/01/5-of-most-unique-wedding-themes.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+blogspot%2Fnewsandarticles+%28News+and+Articles%29



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A Tribe Called Quest - Electric Relaxation

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10 Crucial and Surprising Steps to Build Trust in a Relationship [Part-2]

4. Believe the other person is competent. I hear this phrase very often: "But, I don't want to hurt him." A couple things are at play here. First, she may not have the skill of confronting the other with the truth in a way that brings reconciliation and understanding. She believes truth telling is destructive or entails some sort of drama. Neither is true. The truth is never destructive and can be conveyed in loving ways. (With that said, what we believe to be the truth may indeed be a distorted perception that fits our personal needs.) Or, she may see the other person as a wimp; someone she believes cannot handle rigorous personal confrontation. She doesn't trust that the other person has the internal strength or stamina or skills to be in a relationship of mutual respect and equality. The other person picks up on this mistrust and does what he does (feigns inadequacy and incompetence) to avoid the personal confrontation as well. A dance is acted out. Believe and know in your heart that the other person, somewhere and somehow, beneath the games, has the internal strength and capacity to handle anything. Such trust builds trust in the other person and begins to pervade the relationship. "Hey, she thinks I can handle this! Hmmmm, this is mighty good! I CAN engage her and be truly intimate!"

5. Be very very careful of keeping secrets. If he knows there is an elephant in the room and doesn't talk about it, the elephant takes up tremendous space in the relationship. It takes energy for him to walk around it. She may not see the elephant but knows he is bending his neck to look around something. She will be curious, mildly disturbed, have feelings but no words to wrap around them, might wonder if something is wrong with her or struggle with trusting her intuition (her intuition KNOWS an elephant is there.) And, when we can't trust the messages that come from within us, we find it very difficult to trust the messages of the other person. Secrets demand tremendous energy and erode trust. The relationship is doomed never to experience wall-banging intimacy. This is why extramarital affairs are so damaging. She is not so much concerned about him having sex with someone else as she is about the betrayal, lack of trust, the secrets and deception that are crazy making and energy draining. Now, please. I'm not saying that you sit your partner down and divulge the 23 secrets of your illicit past behaviors. If you have resolved those, i.e. forgiven yourself, understand those behaviors, learned from them and were able to use them to make the internal shifts necessary for your personal development, they do not qualify as an elephant. Hopefully, in the course of growing intimacy in your relationship you may want to share some of those events as you disclose to your partner where you were and where you are now. You do so without emotional charge. However, if a secret takes up room, i.e. still has an emotional charge and holds you back from disclosing more and more of yourself in the growing stages of intimacy, you have a problem that needs to be addressed with your partner.

6. Let YOUR needs be known - loudly. Be a little - no, be a lot - self-centered. (Be self-centered, but not selfish!) Here's a problem I run into almost every day. He is backing away (perhaps attached to work, another person, etc.). She feels the trust and intimacy eroding, is scared and wants to "win him back." So she begins an all out effort to "work on the marriage." She invites him to do so as well. He may reluctantly agree. She blasts full throttle ahead trying to "be nice" and meet every need he ever said he had. She's going to "fill his tank with goodies." Doesn't work. Her eyes are riveted on him. He feels "smothered" or maybe even resentful: "Why is she doing this NOW!" She's hopeful, but eventually that turns to resentment. Her underlying motive - if I meet his needs, he will feel good and meet mine - just doesn't work. It's perceived as manipulation, which it is. Of course, he doesn't say anything. After all, how do you get angry with someone who is so "nice and caring?" Trust disintegrates under a blanket of quiet niceties. Start with your eyes focused on YOU. What do YOU need? Explore your personal need system. Dig beneath the surface. And then say to him: "I need...x, y and z. I would like to talk to you about them. I would like us to work out a way so my needs are met. Are you open to that?" He is empowered to say yes or no. Or, he may say, "What about my needs?" You respond, "I am very interested in hearing what is important to you, certainly." Have you ever been around someone who stated clearly what they needed/wanted? Didn't you respect that person? Because you knew where he stood, and therefore where you stood, didn't that interaction move toward a trusting relationship?

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Dr._Robert_Huizenga



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Adele - Crazy For You

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Amy Winehouse-Some Unholy War

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Lyrics Of The Week: Some Unholy War

"Some Unholy War"
-Amy Winehouse


If my man was fighting
Some unholy war
I would be behind him
Straight shook up beside him
With strength he didn't know
It's you I'm fighting for
He can't lose with me in tow
I refuse to let him go
At his side and drunk on pride
We wait for the blow


We put it in writing
But who you writing for
Just us on kitchen floor
Justice done,
Reciting my stomach standing still
Like you're reading my will
He still stands in spite of what his scars say
I'll battle till this bitter finale
Just me, my dignity and this guitar case


Yes my man is fighting some unholy war
And I will stand beside you
Who you dieing for
B - I would have died too
I'd of liked to
If my man was fighting
Some unholy war
If my man was fighting


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Poem Of The Week: Trust

Trust
-By Malcom Coleman

Fragile as a lily,
it cements relationships.
Without it there can be no meaning
to the words, "I Love You",
without it all things fail,
and happiness is eroded.

As the trees in autumn
lose their leaves,
so I lose life
if trusted I am not.
I must be trusted,
for trust builds hope, and love.

Trust brings to all things
a wholeness that is sublime,
and which cannot be explained.
My complete soul screams with fear
if I am not believed.
If I am not trusted,
what can I do?


ABOUT THE POEM:
I wrote this after I felt that my girlfriend was not being open with me, I was depressed when I wrote this, and I just wanted her to know that I really needed her to trust me that I wouldn't hurt her. -Malcom Coleman



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10 Crucial and Surprising Steps to Build Trust in a Relationship [Part-1]

1. Be predictable. When do seeds of suspicion emerge? When one begins to think, What's up? Why is he doing that? He's never done that before. That is so unlike him. He loses 30 pounds, buys a new wardrobe and comes home late from work. He changes his patterns. His behavior becomes unpredictable. You get the picture? Any movement away from predictable behavior can become suspect and trust can deteriorate. Focus on acting predictably if you need to build trust. Be consistent in what you do. This doesn't mean you must be boring. If there is a twinkle in your eye and a dose of spontaneity every so often, for goodness sakes be spontaneous and fun loving. But, be spontaneous consistently! ***Be true to who you have always been and be that consistently, whoever you tend to be!***

2. Inform your significant other when you become "unpredictable." No one goes through life the same person. We all make shifts and changes. Frankly sometimes we may be fairly clueless about what is happening and where we are going. Those times may be very intense and we do some silly things or make some downright dumb decisions. Life can get very squirrelly and unpredictable. (I have a favorite phrase: Gold is refined through intense heat.) Growth in an individual, marriage or family often is accompanied by a little chaos. Welcome these shifts, for there is a part of you searching for something better/ different/ richer/ deeper, but for heaven's sake, inform your partner of what you are experiencing. Say, "I really don't know what is going on in me right now, but I'm moving in a different direction. Be a little patient with me while I figure this out. I might do some silly things, but my intent is not to harm you or scare you. Accept some of my wondering and wandering and please be there for me? I may need to run some of this by you every so often!"

3. Make sure your words match the message. Mean what you say and say what you mean. When your partner hears one thing in your words but your tone of voice, body language and facial expressions are really saying something else, you open the relationship to some crazy making days. Which message is she to believe? This can waste a tremendous amount of energy and she learns not to trust part of what you are saying. Here's a very simple but common example. You are getting ready to go to a formal dinner. Your wife comes to you and says, "How do I look?" (And she's wearing a dress you don't particularly like and her hair is pulled back in a way that turns you off.) Not to spoil the evening you enthusiastically say, "You look great." You don't really mean it and a part of her knows you really don't mean it. But, you leave it at that. This might not seem like a big deal - we all have done something similar - but if trust is shaky to begin with, it is even shakier now. Here's how to match the words with the nonverbal: "I think you are a beautiful person. I want you to know that. I love you dearly and it will be wonderful to have you by my side tonight. Others will see your beauty. (As you say this, you look into her eyes as you put your hands around her waist.) She's not concerned so much with how she looks but is expressing a need for affirmation. She's not talking about her dress or hair, but about wanting to know the evening is going to go just fine. You respond to the real message. You can take this one step further, if you like. At some point you might bring up her need for affirmation and talk about that. Ask her is there is anything you can say or do so that need is met. ***Trust is awareness of the intent beneath the obvious message and responding to that!***

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Dr._Robert_Huizenga



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12 Signs You Should Break Up With Your Girlfriend or Boyfriend or Spouse

***Many people are in unhealthy relationships, and in order to be in a healthy one you may have to break up with your current boyfriend or girlfriend. When someone is being just foul and wrong to you; you should never stay around and just accept always being hurt. Sometimes people in good relationships like to break up with their partner when the partner has not done anything to deserve being left. This normally happens because one person falls out of love, the two just grow apart, or one person is just the type of person that takes pleasure in breaking hearts...... if you are breaking up with your partner and cannot apply one of the things on the list below to them, then your just one of those heart-breaking assholes....*** ~Heavenly

Breaking up is never easy (especially if it’s not your decision), but oftentimes it is necessary. Perhaps it’s a matter of growing apart or falling out of love. Perhaps one or both of you just aren’t into each other anymore. In extreme cases, perhaps the relationship has become emotionally and/or physically abusive, alternating between cold, sullen resentment and overt hostility.

People stay in unsatisfying and/or toxic relationships for a variety of reasons: fear of being alone, fear of change, the comfort of the familiar vs. the fear of the unknown, financial reasons, children, religious beliefs, etc. We tell ourselves it’s not that bad or things will get better as a reason (i.e., excuse) not to make a difficult, but positive change. Unhappiness in your primary relationship affects every area of your life—physical and mental health, career and other relationships.

Below are some strong signs that it’s time to end your current relationship:

1.   If you’ve been hurt physically.Ignore excuses and apologies; if violence has surfaced, it will surface again. Get out at the very first strike. This goes for men, too. If your partner, pushes, kicks, shoves or slaps you and/or throw things at you; GET OUT. Physical violence isn’t acceptable from either sex.

2.    When you’re totally incompatible.If your partner’s dream is to travel the road as a wandering musician and you’re a city person with ambitions, one or both of you will probably be unhappy if you stay together. Relationships have a better chance at being successful with people whom we share similar values and goals.
3.    When he or she isn’t even close to your fantasy.You may be tempted to stay with someone just because they’re available and willing, but this is generally a bad idea. There should be some chemistry in order to have a successful future.

4.    When he or she just can’t say I love you.Even if there’s chemistry, if someone can’t express their love for you with affectionate gestures, nurturing, and the words “I love you,” you’ll never really feel satisfied with them.

5.    When he or she just isn’t there for you.If you’ve been together a while and can’t count on him or her to come get you if your car breaks down, or to attend family or work events, then you don’t have a solid relationship.

6.    When you’re afraid to express yourself.Being in love should bring out the best in you. It should help you to be less self-conscious and make you more open and alive. If you feel like you’re walking on eggshells all the time because your partner is emotionally volatile and verbally abusive, it’s probably a sign that this is not the right relationship for you.

7.    When your self-esteem is suffering.If your relationship is demeaning, makes you feel bad about yourself, leaves you feeling like you’re not heard, and you’re getting more criticism than praise, then it’s time to end it. A good relationship makes you feel respected and loved, worthwhile and good about yourself.

8.    When he or she is a philanderer.Serial philanderers usually have a pattern of behavior. If you discover your mate has that kind of history, don’t believe “never again.” The heartache and torment will never end.

9.    When he or she commits an unforgivable act.There are single acts so horrid that they should mean the END. If he or she sleeps with your best friend, is disrespectful to your family, consistently criticizes and undermines you, stands you up at the altar, or commits murder, end the relationship with no second chances.

10.    When the same problems recur again and again.Loving someone doesn’t always guarantee you can spend the rest of your lives together. If you’ve broken up and reunited and you’re still having the same fights, the same problems or different versions of the same problem, especially if you’ve tried relationship counseling, it’s probably best to end the relationship. Saying, “things will be better” and actually making things better by changing attitudes and behaviors aren’t the same thing. The former is lip service and mollification; the latter is growth.

11.    When he or she says, “I need some space.”The relationship seems to have stalled and your partner says something like, “I want time,” or “I want space,” or “I think we should see other people,” or “I need to devote myself to my career.” Almost always, what he or she means is “I want out.” These things happen, don’t drag it out. You might say, “Sounds like you want to break up. I’m sorry you feel that way, but I understand. I hope we can remain friends.”

12.    When the relationship just doesn’t progress.Relationships have a natural progression. If you’re not progressing and you can’t pinpoint the cause, you might want to try couple’s counseling. However, if he or she won’t go, or goes but doesn’t think there’s a problem or can’t see his or her role in the problem, and/or uses counseling to blame and trash you while exonerating him- or herself, the relationship is coming to an end.

by Dr Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD



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Trust in a relationship – Trusting your girlfriend or boyfriend

***Ask any relationship expert what they believe the foundation to a lasting relationship is and chances are that “trust” will appear near the top of the list.

Where trust issues arise from:

As with many beliefs and insecurities, trust issues form as a result of cultural learning and past experiences. The past experiences can either be personal experiences, in this case being betrayed in a past relationship, or they can develop by observing external examples of mistrust in society.

There is also a correlation between how much we trust our romantic partners and how much we trust ourselves! A lot of people find it hard to trust their other half because they know how EASY it is to be unfaithful, whether in reality or simply in theory.

A third cause is related to our own self-esteem. Unless we believe one hundred percent that we embody the ‘perfect partner’ and that our relationship is as happy and fulfilling as it can be, there is by definition a fear that there is someone out there more suited to our other half.

Related emotions – jealousy and fear:

Although there are varying evolutionary and psychological theories surrounding jealousy and fear, in simple terms they are both products of our own self-esteem. Jealousy and any related insecurities stem from protection, neediness and scarcity: the thought that if someone steals my loved one away from me, I will be left with nothing!

The only way to fully trust your girlfriend or boyfriend is to rid yourself of any fear of losing them. The feelings may not always be rational because trust issues have a habit of burying themselves deep in our subconscious. *I have even had married men (men who are with women that have supposedly committed their entire LIFE to them) who still have this fear of losing their partner and show signs of mistrust every time their wife is away from them for any length of time.* This sounds absurd on the face of it but confirms the fact that subconscious feelings of mistrust can often be greater than any logical or justified feelings.

Wanting to know everything your partner gets up to:

This statement is not to be confused with having a genuine interest and excitement to know what your partner gets up to in your absence. This is concerning the people who want to know intricate and nugatory details from their girlfriend or boyfriend (if they’ve been on a night out for example) and then become aggrieved if they later find out they haven’t been told everything.

If you expect your partner to tell you EVERYTHING (especially if they tell you that they will) then trivial details that accidently get forgotten suddenly set off insecure detective mode! It is almost as if we only believe someone is being honest with us if we can build a fully formed picture of their description in our mind. This is of course in the hope that those extra details will ensure that the major ones never get neglected.

***A common situation that men in relationships come to me about is in trusting their girlfriend when she is out socialising with other guys, or perhaps if she is still in touch with an ex-boyfriend.

If your girlfriend or boyfriend knows that you will overreact or judge them if they do one of the above two things (even innocently) then chances are they simply won’t tell you about them! This may not be in a malicious or sinister way, but simply to prevent any unnecessary relationship aggro. Of course, if you do then discover what they have been up to, it suddenly becomes a lot less innocent, regardless of their intentions!

^^^*The only way to encourage your partner to be completely open with you is to ensure they know that you will never overreact, or more importantly JUDGE them if they tell you potentially undesirable facts.*^^^

Fully trusting your girlfriend or boyfriend:

If you know that you experience frequent feelings of jealousy or distrust, it is not something you are likely to be able to rid yourself of in an instant. You can however slowly work on overcoming or desensitising yourself to those negative feelings through repetitive cognition. This is achieved through a combination of being reassured by your partner’s trustworthy actions over time and by not fuelling any anxieties with trust illusions or hypothetical scenarios.

I’ve said time and time again that the most important aspect of a relationship is actively making it as fulfilling as it can be at all times. Doing this and believing it wholeheartedly to be true will conquer all conceivable issues a couple could have. Doing this correctly, mistrust can only manifest if you self-sabotage your own image, much like the causes that lead to being cheated on!

I personally don’t fear anyone whisking my partner away from me because I don’t believe there is anyone who could! Consequently, I trust her unreservedly and never feel the need to accuse, question or interrogate any of her behaviour. This may sound mildly arrogant but is a direct result of working hard on both myself and our relationship so it is the best it can possibly be at all times. As soon as I start to lose that desire to continually enrich our relationship, is the first sign that the relationship might be subsiding.
Whilst I’m aware that it takes a considerable amount of time to get to a level of complete ease and trust in a relationship, there are a few things you can do to aid the process.

The best temporary measure is to simply suppress any insecurities you may have as soon as they arise. Prevent yourself from displaying unwarranted signs of mistrust towards your partner and the people outside the relationship you fear. *This won’t condition a perfect relationship as described above but it will condition a healthy one in the meantime.* It will let your partner know that you trust them, which in turn will emotionally pull them closer to you rather than push them away.

“I trust my partner but I don’t trust the people around them”:

A final factor that can affect one’s trust in a relationship is social intelligence. Someone can ostensibly trust their partner on an emotional level, but still fear them getting taken advantage of due to their vulnerability, naivety or lack of social maturity.

If your partner is attractive, they WILL get attention from other members of the opposite sex. All you can do is ensure that they are equipped with the basic social tools so that they can be trusted in any social situation and not risk being taken advantage of. These social tools include things such as being decisive, assertive and never alluding to relationship status.

Going back to an earlier point about allowing your partner to be completely open and honest with you, remember that trust is not circumstantial and you want your girlfriend or boyfriend to be able to tell you anything because they WANT to, not because they feel that they HAVE to!

Trusting your partner’s emotional fidelity is just as important as trusting their physical fidelity… so remember that even if your partner has previous reasons for you not to trust them, what becomes of that is wholly dependent on your input and approach to the relationship!

Source: http://sparklife.info/blog/2010/08/trust-trusting-relationship/




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Jealous- Overcome Jealousy In 7 Easy Steps

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Loves Me... Loves Me Not: The Dilemma of Off/On Again Relationships

By: Alicia Mitchell

Break up…. to make up...that's all we do... then you love me, now you hate me it's a game for fools. *Ahem* I am sorry just going along with the words of this song since it covers the awfully great deal of a on again off again relationships. For the ones in the most stabilized partnerships will often wondered, how can anyone sees themselves on the emotional roller-coaster ride with the object of their affection? For those that don't know it is hard to figure out. For the ones that went through the constant love me then leave me type knows what I am talking about.

You met the person you thought you can enjoy your life with forever. It has been several months since your first date and the two of you had been enjoying all the things couples will normally do. Most importantly in your eyes the person is funny, smart, and actually cute. Everything seem so perfect! Then out of the blue, mentions he or she is leaving you. Now your world crumbles into pieces, wondering how one can live on day by day without that wonderful person in your life.But...wait a second… after gloomy days, love songs that reminded you of your love and all those Kleenex all over your floor-surprisingly they call you and tell you how sorry they are.Thoughts of you heavily on their mind and regretting ever to break up with someone as lovely as yourself are tearing them apart. You consider for a minute to give them a another chance at love , remembering all the good times you two had together, not looking at the whole picture of whether or not he will be taking you on a ride again and risking a chance of getting hurt.
But of course you opt to forgive him, his flowers and his apology card that he perfectly handwritten just for you. You tell yourself no it won't happen again. Everything is going to be all right this time. And it sure is. Now continuing once again being happy together, saying the I-love-yous, calling or emailing each other every night before bedtime. Now you are saying to yourself, I just about knew he would've missed me!

Suddenly there goes heartbreaking news! No longer can he see you -insert reason here-. Now you're heartbroken again. You'd think does the old saying fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me applies to you and your situation.

Unfortunately it does. Getting involved with men (or women) that seem to love playing fun games with your heart one should evaluate carefully, especially giving them a second chance. Is it worth another go to get rejected not once but twice by the same person?

Some may think so. For the forgiving types like in the example above who believe in second chances, here are a couple things that should be worked out before making a final decision to open your heart again to your old love.

Saying "I'm sorry"- Sorry to say this but his (or her) apology is not enough. There should be a clear and honest reason for the relationship to be on again. What needs to be addressed is why he (or she) broke up with you in the first place so the two of you can sort out any problems surrounding the first break up.

Communication- One of the most important aspects in any relationships. Be direct. Tell the person upfront that you have no time for those that enjoy playing up one's feelings. For any reason they can't comprehend that, tell them where he or she can go.

For those weary of giving it another go, here are the downfalls. Same old song yet different tune- So many people wound up going right back to the reason they broke up in the first place. Lack of communication, dishonesty on one's part, whatever associated with the breakup. My advice here: If it's broke, don't bother to fix it.
Playing up one own ego- There are plenty people out there can just tune in who will take all their crap and who will not. The obvious are the rejected ones that goes right back constantly to their former love arms
again, believing every time is "different". Be honest with yourself. The reality is that the person knows they can run right to you when they are "lonely" or even worse; someone else broke off the romance with them now they are crawling back to you. They know you are their crutch whenever they fall. They also knows that somehow you will probably be right there waiting for them so you can buttered them up in many ways and make them feel irresistible. When their ego is all swelled up, they can now say thank you and leave right out the door.

The two reasons above are why I rule out on and off again relationships. They are most of the time unsuccessful. Besides, why would anyone want their heart steamrolled over and over again?

A person's self-worth should be valued. Especially in a relationship. Both parties should genuinely love one another and one should not be played for a fool. When circumstances like on-off again relationship that occurs, that type of relationship is not healthy and should never ever be redeemed, no matter how you might have strong feelings for the confused and emotionally immature. Be strong and firm about what you will and will not take and that include unstable relationships and the person that fits this type of relationship. If you will do that, you will attract the right person one day that will love you back and vice versa. And above all else, stay off again permanently with the confused person so they will seek a playmate that would play along with their game of fickle love.



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The Power to Create - Stop Self-Sabotaging Your Relationships!

You have heard the excuses or even said them yourself. You know the ones like, " I want you to be happy", " I don't want to get hurt", or even "I don't want me or you to settle". The purpose of self-sabotage can sometimes appear to be even noble, that usually means trying to avoid the hurt & pain that comes with the joy & love in relationships. The purpose of self-sabotage can sometimes appear to be even noble, that usually means trying to avoid the hurt & pain that comes with the joy & love in relationships.

Sorry, folks, but all of the above goes hand in hand in relationships. Overcoming past hurts and even embarrassments takes a lot of inner strength because one has to deal with the truth about not only others, but themselves. Learn to be fair to yourself and to be fair to those you love and....that love you back. Beginning anew is not easy to do. So before venturing into the new, make sure you have a handle of the old. Be sure that you are ready to become involved in a relationship before you begin a new one. If you are already in a relationship and it's recognized by you or your significant other that you are pushing your loved one away, then seek out to discover how you can break the cycle of self-sabotage & begin the journey of self discovery. Recognize that you have the POWER TO CREATE. So what do you want to create for yourself, your relationship, your family? Want to exercise your POWER now? Here are some helpful tips to start you on your way to bringing anew :

1. Begin to journal. Writing down your thoughts and reflect monthly to recognize your progress of your healing process.

2. Talk to your significant other about what they see. Don't push if they don't feel comfortable or unable to give you any feedback. That's OK, and beginning the discussion will at least let your loved one know you care and want to be a better companion, person, etc. It can create a world of positive possibilities.

3. Recognize your own power in creating a happier, healthier you. Take ownership of your well- being and the well-being of your relationship.

4. Don't be shy, if needed or wanted, seek help from a trained professional. You should take care of your mental health and well-being like you do your physical health.

5. Above all else, try not to place a timeline on your healing process. The effort of overcoming years of pain and self-doubt takes time. The journey of self-discovery is a life journey.

Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Talena_C._Queen

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Self-Sabotage -- Why Good People Hurt Themselves

What is self-sabotage? It is when people who seem to have everything going for them engage in some foolish behavior that either kills them, hurts them, or gets them into trouble. People use drugs, break the law, steal, starve themselves, find and stay in abusive relationships, cheat on their spouse, drive too fast, drink themselves to death, overeat, don't exercise, push people away, or don't go to the doctor when they get
sick.
Perhaps they may not consciously want to destroy themselves or die. But unconsciously, somewhere inside them, there is a death wish. Freud said that everyone has a death wish, a desire to die, a love of death, thanatos. But I believe some people are more prone to self-sabotage than others.

As a child, everyone wants to be loved and accepted. Some children receive unconditional love from their parents, and are told, "We love you. We want you. We are proud of you. We will nurture you." Other children are unwanted, a nuisance, and unloved. They are told either verbally or nonverball, "We don't want you. We wish you weren't here. You are a bother, a burden. We wish you would disappear." Some
groups in society, such as gays, Blacks, and the poor are also told by those in power, "We don't accept you. We wish you would just disappear, go away, die. We will pretend you don't exist. We hate you. We will ostracize, and deny you any rights."
Some parents encourage self-sabotage by telling their children, "We will not protect you." These parents don't teach their kids coping skills, so their kids don't learn how to survive in a sometimes hostile and frightening world. By not teaching these skills to their children, the parents are communicating that they don't care whether or not their children can cope. Other children are brought up with an unrealistically excessive idea of their own power. They believe they are capable of the impossible and that the world revolves around them. Still other children grow up feeling totally powerless over situations that occur around them. Having either a sense of too much power or no power can cause a child to misjudge situations and hurt themselves in the process.

Internalization of invisibility messages is what happens to children. They believe that if their parents don't want them around, or if the society wants them to die or disappear, that they are worthless and should do just that. This internalization process results in people not valuing their own existence. Self-sabotaging behavior is the result of an internalized death wish. We can see it statistically in the younger death
rates for African-American and Native American males, and the higher suicide rates for gay adolescents. When children lack skills, they don't learn how to cope with
strangers, complicated situations, disappointments, abuses or violations of their boundaries. If they lack assertiveness and discernment, they are more prone to "accidentally" die or put themselves in dangerous situations.

Self-sabotage is the result of an internalized death wish or an inability to take care of oneself in the world. Some marginalized people destroy themselves out of despair. Some Blacks die in gang wars. Some Native Americans drink themselves to death. Being abused reinforces the death wish since the abuser uses the victim, and does not see the victim as a person in their own right. Abused people begin to believe that the abuse is "their fault," and they punish themselves through self-sabotaging behavior.
People who feel worthless are often shamed by their parents and others. They are told they are not good enough. These people may continue to engage in self-sabotaging behaviors to maintain their shame. This validates that they actual are worthless. Maintaining shame perpetuates the death wish. Shame is almost always related to addictive behavior, suicide, and other forms of self-sabotage.

Self-sabotaging people need to be re-parented by people who will love, nurture, and validate them for who they are. They also need to realize that if someone in their lives wanted them to die, they don't have to internalize that death wish. In other words, those who hurt them were wrong, and they are not worthless. Healing from shame involves knowing that one is loved spiritually and emotionally, and realizing that all children are worthy and children of the universe.
This healing process can be done in support groups, in therapy, through journaling and letter writing. It often takes a long time to heal the internalization of shame and the death wish. People need to learn coping skills, and develop the will to live and thrive.

Frequently, self-sabotaging people vent anger inappropriately. They are angry at those who abused or limited them. They are angry about not being loved. They become angry at others who are loved. They may express anger toward those who try to love them. Anger is part of self-sabotaging behavior. It may be hidden as depression, or come out in violent behavior. But the self-hatred of self-sabotage usually manifests itself in some forms of inappropriate anger.
Movies such as "Ordinary People" and "Good Will Hunting" deal with self-sabotage, the internalization of shame, self-hatred, and acting out in anger. They can be useful tools in the healing process.

Probably twenty percent of the population engage in self-sabotaging behaviors regularly. At least that percent of people vent their anger inappropriately at themselves or others. We understand how to heal this pain, and help people reclaim their wholeness, and their desire to live and do well in the world.

© Dr. Michael Obsatz

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by Mike Obsatz

Kanye West - Runaway (Extended Video Version) ft. Pusha T

Sit back and really take in every aspect of this song/video....the visual...the lyrics...all....






And I always find, yeah, I always find something wrong
You been putting up with my shit just way too long
I'm so gifted at finding what I don't like the most
So I think it's time for us to have a toast

Let's have a toast for the douchebags
Let's have a toast for the assholes
Let's have a toast for the scumbags
Every one of them that I know

Let's have a toast for the jerk-offs
That'll never take work off
Baby, I got a plan
Runaway fast as you can

She find pictures in my email
I sent this bitch a picture of my dick
I don't know what it is with females
But I'm not too good at that shit

See, I could have me a good girl
And still be addicted to them hood rats
And I just blame everything on you
At least you know that's what I'm good at

And I always find, yeah, I always find, yeah, I always find something wrong
You been putting up with my shit just way too long
I'm so gifted at finding what I don't like the most
So I think it's time for us to have a toast

Let's have a toast for the douchebags
Let's have a toast for the assholes
Let's have a toast for the scumbags
Every one of them that I know

Let's have a toast for the jerk-offs
That'll never take work off
Baby, I got a plan
Runaway fast as you can

Runaway from me, baby
Runaway, runaway from me, baby
Runaway I'm about to get crazy, then runaway
Use the thug plan, runaway as fast as you can

Runaway from me, baby
Runaway, runaway from me, baby
Runaway, I'm about to get crazy
Why can't she just runaway?

Baby I got a plan, runaway as fast as you can

24/7, 365, pussy stays on my mind
I-I-I did it, alright, alright, I admit it
Now pick your next move
You could leave or live with it

Ichabod Crane with that motherfucking top off
Split and go where? Back to wearing knockoffs, ha, ha
Knock it off, Neiman's, shop it off
Let's talk over Mai Tai's, waitress, top it off

Ho's like vultures, wanna fly in your Freddy loafers
You can't blame 'em, they ain't never seen Versace sofas
Every bag, every blouse, every bracelet
Comes with a price tag, baby, face it

You should leave if you can't accept the basics
Plenty ho's in the baller-nigger matrix
Invisibly set, the Rolex is faceless
I'm just young, rich and tasteless, P

Never was much of a romantic
I could never take the intimacy
And I know it did damage
'Cause the look in your eyes is killing me

I guess you knew another vantage
'Cause you could blame me for everything
And I don't know how I'ma manage
If one day you just up and leave

And I always find, yeah, I always find something wrong
You been putting up with my shit just way too long
I'm so gifted at finding what I don't like the most
So I think it's time for us to have a toast

Let's have a toast for the douchebags
Let's have a toast for the assholes
Let's have a toast for the scumbags
Every one of them that I know

Let's have a toast for the jerk-offs
That'll never take work off
Baby, I got a plan
Runaway fast as you can



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Quote Of The Week: Dawn M. Williams

"Conflict is not necessarily a sign that something is wrong. The way in which differences are resolved (or not) is a more accurate measure of stability. "

 -Dawn M. Williams



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Things To Try With Your Lover in 2011

Love is the most beautiful feeling and so is sex; every person on this earth wants to be loved and want to love…and that’s so very true, we can’t ignore this fact. Making out love brings couple more close to each other, that’s why we all want to try out different things to make our love life more exited, but the question is how? What one should do or try that his/her mate never forget in their life. Well answer is
Want to make your sex life exciting, than consider these hot and sizzling tips, which one should defiantly try on bed before dying.

1. Get involved with each other with lights on and stare each other from head to toe with all the emotions and love on. You will fell in love with this vibrant feeling.
2. Silent love is the hottest hot technique; enjoy the coaster ride by being silent, as love speaks for itself.
3. Express your love in words: Write love on his/ her back with your tongue, this will make him /her go mad in love.
4. Speak slow or breathe softly, close to his/her ear and just move with the rhythm of LOVE.
5. Be closer, speak slower and talk about the way you like to love her/him, and explore the new person in your beloved.
6. Give each other hot and loving massage, without this love is incomplete.
7. Just wrap yourself around him/her and fell the rhythm in between you.
8. Get wild get hot, show him/her the hidden love in your heart.
9. Touch him/her genital parts very smoothly and softly, but under the sheet.
10. Go for another honeymoon at your bed, place a black sheet and rose petals on it. Talk about the hottest day spent and cuddle each other the way, you are hugging her/him for the first time.
11. Get off your clothes and sit on his lap, making him wild for you.
12. Just give him a warm nibble on him/her ear, move will make you irresistible.
13. Try some yoga moves with clothes off and just feel the spirit of vibrations.
14. Shed your clothes in front of your partner will make him/her hot.
15. Get off with your clothes and don’t allow your partner to touch you, making him ecstatic and sizzled.
16. Give your partner a soft French kiss; make him fell the warmth of your love.
17. Red is the color of love, gift you partner the lingerie and ask him/her to change in front of you.

source: http://www.loverslovelife.com/things-one-should-try-on-bed-before-dying/



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10 Little-Known Facts About Martin Luther King, Jr

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Martin Luther King "I have a dream"

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Lyrics Of The Week

I Want You
-Marvin Gaye

I want you the right way
Iwant you
But I want you to want me too
Want you to want me,baby
Just like I want you

I give you all the love I want in return sweet darlin'
But half a love is all I feel
It's too bad,It's just too sad
You don't want me now
But I'm gonna change your mind
Someway,somehow,oh baby

Repeat

This one way loveis just a fantasy, oh sugar
To share is precious,pure and fair
Don't play with something you should cherish for life,oh baby
Don't you wanna care
Aint it lonely out there

Repeat

Repeat and fade



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Marvin Gaye "I Want You" (1976)

Really sit back and listen to, and enjoy this wonderful song.....


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Signs of a Bad Relationship

 

 

By: Alice Langholt
All relationships take work to make them successful. That fact has caused much confusion as people try to decide what exactly that work is, how much work is too much and how much work needs to be done to make the relationship worthwhile. However, there's a big difference between working on a relationship and wasting your time. If you note any of these signs of a bad relationship, then it's time to re-evaluate your situation.

The Warning Signs:
Lack of Trust.
Trust requires both partners to believe that the other will still love them, even when they make mistakes. They are able to be truthful about being at fault, and they can be vulnerable in front of each other. If you find yourself lying to cover when you make a mistake, or if you are afraid of your mate seeing you looking less than perfect, you are not being your true, honest self.
On a deeper level, lying, hiding the truth and withholding information are signs of a bad relationship. If you worry that your partner may be out with other women when he claims to be out with the guys, then you are lacking the trust a relationship requires. Likewise, your partner might interrogate you every time you go out. When you reach the point that you are accusing each other of hiding something, whether it be about love, money or who forgot to feed the dog, then you need to ask yourself why you really don't trust your partner.

Disrespect.
Respect means simply treating the other person like he or she is important. We all want to be treated that way. Good communication is an exchange of listening and sharing ideas. When you treat another person as if he is important, you would never hurt him, mistreat him, put him down in public or berate him. Sarcasm, disdain, taking the other person for granted or constantly putting the other person on the defensive all fall in the disrespect category. When your partner isn't supportive, he is revealing his own insecurities-and do you want to be with someone like that?

No Space.
In a good relationship, both people have time apart and time together. When you are together too much, you run the risk of feeling smothered. While you may enjoy being with your partner 24/7, time apart gives you something to discuss when you are together again. If you are apart, neither partner should resent the time apart or act jealous about it. Both partners trust that the other will be true, and both are worthy of the trust they have earned. In a bad relationship, one partner is resentful of the other or worries that the other partner will stray if left alone, which leads to that other hallmark of bad relationships, distrust.

Fear of Change.
Genuinely liking the other person for who she is means that you will still like her if she changes jobs, hobbies, friends or gets depressed. Genuine caring allows the other person the freedom to grow. It also means that you feel good with that person - you enjoy being with her. Bad relationships depend on the person to stay exactly one way, and change is met with resentment and suspicion, as if one partner changed just to hurt the other person. If your partner's affections depend on your looking the same or liking the same things, you may be in a bad relationship.

Physical or Emotional Abuse.
The clearest sign of all, abuse rears its ugly head when the previous four signs of a bad relationship are out of control. When there's no trust, no respect, no space and no room for growth, you are being smothered. Not only that, but you are also boxed in and fearful that, if you do anything that doesn't please your partner, you will be punished. Punishment has no place in a relationship. You must start looking for the exits if your partner hits you or makes you question your self-worth. Even if your partner is wonderful sometimes or apologizes afterwards, that isn't enough to justify the pain you are feeling. Seek outside help from family members, friends or law enforcement if you have any reason to fear for your safety.

What If You Don't See These Signs, but Still Feel Bad?
Even if a relationship isn't sour, you might think your relationship lacks spark. Relationships go through phases as people have different experiences in life. Sometimes couples who genuinely love each other aren't clicking for one reason or another. Often that reason is stress from outside factors, or difficulty communicating. If you feel that your relationship at its heart is a good one, consider trying relationship counseling. An outside perspective can help both of you decide if your efforts are for the good of the relationship, or if you are simply wasting your time.
You can't change an unhappy relationship into a good one, but you can help a good relationship that's struggling become better if both partners want that and want help getting it back on track.



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New Zodiac Sign

The new Zodiac signs 2011 have many people upset that their horoscopes are changing. Many people take astrology very seriously, and the introduction of the Ophiuchus horoscope has the potential to upset believers of astrology.

The Ophiuchus sign now means that there are no longer 12 signs of the Zodiac…there are now 13. Will people with the fear of the number 13, also known as triskaidekaphobia freak out?

The new Zodiac sign dates are as follows:

Capricorn: Jan. 20 – Feb. 16

Aquarius: Feb. 16 – March 11

Pisces: March 11- April 18

Aries: April 18 – May 13

Taurus: May 13 – June 21

Gemini: June 21 – July 20

Cancer: July 20 – Aug. 10

Leo: Aug. 10 – Sept. 16

Virgo: Sept. 16 – Oct. 30

Libra: Oct. 30 – Nov. 23

Scorpio: Nov. 23 – Nov. 29

Ophiuchus: Nov. 29 – Dec. 17

Sagittarius: Dec. 17 – Jan. 20

Most people assume that since Ophiuchus is new, that it is the 13th sign, but if you look at this list, people who fall under Sagittarius are actually in the 13th sign of the Zodiac now. Will there be certain Sagittarius horoscope people who won’t be able to sleep tonight?
(Source: http://blogs.babble.com/famecrawler/2011/01/13/new-zodiac-signs-2011-new-zodiac-sign-dates-freak-out-people-with-fear-of-number-13)

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Domestic Violence: Men Being Abused by Women

National Institute of Justice estimates that 1.5 million women are victims of domestic violence each year. In that same year 835,000 men are abused by women. It is said that whereas every 21 seconds somewhere in America a woman is battered - but every 38 seconds somewhere in America a man is battered.

Men usually don't report the abuse. Men just don't tell, opting to keep it a secret from everyone around them. To them it's embarrassing that they are being physically or mentally abused by a woman. They feel that most people won't believe them. They will make excuses for their injuries. Some of the feelings that they have and why they don't report it to the police is from shame, they are worried that the female will turn the table on them and say that they were abusing her, and thinking that no one will believe him. Some men don't do anything about it because their self worth has been battered as well, and they feel that no one else would ever have them except the woman they are with and they would be alone for the rest of their lives. Some victims just don't want to make a change or they have small children that they want to stay and protect.

 The shame that the men feel when they try to get assistance, the ridicule, wondering what if the people at work find out that they are the one that is being abused. They wonder if they will become the joke of the locker rooms. It is harder for a man who is built like a football player to admit that his little petite wife abuses him. Who will ever believe him?

Many stories from men are that most the time the women were never charged even if the men displayed injuries. The "battered man" is hard to prove and to convince people that he is abused.

Most men will pretend that everything is fine at home when they are at work talking about family life keeping the abuse a secret. Maybe only telling one or two close friends if any at all. They will make excuses when asked to go out with the guys after work saying they had other plans when actually they're afraid that the female will go into a rage. So he sacrifices his happiness for hers. He has no life per say. Studies show that women who commit violence against the men in their lives have anger management issues, are likely to abuse their children, yet courts still favor giving the custody of the children to the female evenafter domestic abuse has been proven.

There are shelters out there for woman who are abused the court systems have help for children to get them out of the situation. But for men, they are left out in the cold. It's a hush-hush situation just like incest was at one time. It is now time to bring this epidemic in the public eye. There are many men who are abused daily by their wives, and the support that these men need is not there for them to heal and rebuild their lives.

The news lately has been showing more abuse on men, but its still only after the man had been killed by the woman. Then most of the time the women will claim abuse was committed against them, with the man deceased, it's impossible to question him about the events.

Physical abuse isn't the only abuse men have in relationships, there is verbal assaults that is the screaming, yelling which wears on the self confidence of the man.

The female know how to control the actions of the men, how to make them do only what the female wants them to do, they know how to make the man feel guilty. The female may keep you in such a state of confusion about twisting your words, making the man question his sanity. The stress will take a toll on his body, his emotional well being. The stress will make the man have blood pressure problems, which will lead to other problems.

Domestic abuse against men is occurring daily, just as it does against women. It's not just the females being abused. It's all unacceptable.

source:

http://www.batteredmen.com/

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Recognizing The Warning Signs Of Domestic Violence and Abuse

 

It's impossible to know with certainty what goes on behind closed doors, but there are some telltale signs and symptoms of emotional abuse and domestic violence. If you witness any warning signs of abuse in a friend, family member, or co-worker, take them very seriously.

General warning signs of domestic abuse

People who are being abused may:

• Seem afraid or anxious to please their partner.
• Go along with everything their partner says and does.
• Check in often with their partner to report where they are and what they’re doing.
• Receive frequent, harassing phone calls from their partner.
• Talk about their partner’s temper, jealousy, or possessiveness.

Warning signs of physical violence

People who are being physically abused may:

• Have frequent injuries, with the excuse of “accidents.”
• Frequently miss work, school, or social occasions, without explanation.
• Dress in clothing designed to hide bruises or scars (e.g. wearing long sleeves in the summer or sunglasses indoors).

Warning signs of isolation

People who are being isolated by their abuser may:

• Be restricted from seeing family and friends.
• Rarely go out in public without their partner.
• Have limited access to money, credit cards, or the car.

The psychological warning signs of abuse

People who are being abused may:

• Have very low self-esteem, even if they used to be confident.
• Show major personality changes (e.g. an outgoing person becomes withdrawn).
• Be depressed, anxious, or suicidal.

Speak up if you suspect domestic violence or abuse

If you suspect that someone you know is being abused, speak up! If you’re hesitating—telling yourself that it’s none of your business, you might be wrong, or the person might not want to talk about it—keep in mind that expressing your concern will let the person know that you care and may even save his or her life.

DO's and DON'T'S:
Do:

• Ask if something is wrong.
• Express concern.
• Listen and validate.
• Offer help.
• Support his or her decisions.

Don’t:

• Wait for him or her to come to you.
• Judge or blame.
• Pressure him or her.
• Give advice.
• Place conditions on your support.

Talk to the person in private and let him or her know that you’re concerned. Point out the things you’ve noticed that make you worried. Tell the person that you’re there, whenever he or she feels ready to talk. Reassure the person that you’ll keep whatever is said between the two of you, and let him or her know that you’ll help in any way you can.

Remember, abusers are very good at controlling and manipulating their victims. People who have been emotionally abused or battered are depressed, drained, scared, ashamed, and confused. They need help to get out, yet they’ve often been isolated from their family and friends. By picking up on the warning signs and offering support, you can help them escape an abusive situation and begin healing.
-Melinda Smith, M.A., and Jeanne Segal, Ph.D.



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Song Of The Week

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How to Break a Toxic Love Pattern

-By Korin Miller


Even though you swear your exes are totally different, experts say most women have a relationship pattern they keep going back to. See how to break yours for a love that won't leave you hurting.

We were shocked when we heard that the first guy Rihanna seriously dated after Chris Brown had been accused of domestic abuse by an ex-girlfriend. After everything she went through, it would seem as if she'd be repulsed by men with that kind of reputation.
Turns out, the opposite is more likely to be true. "Most of us have a relationship pattern — that same type of guy we keep falling for — and it can work for or against us," says couples therapist Deborah Dunn, author of Stupid About Men. "It's not uncommon for women to keep going back to the type that wronged them in the past." How do you change whom you're drawn to dating? It's not easy, but it starts with figuring out where your attraction to these guys came from in the first place.

Family Ties
Experts say we develop our taste in men at a young age — anywhere from childhood to adolescence. "Whether it's positive or negative, everyone has a relationship pattern based on what they learned about love when they were growing up," says Alon Gratch, PhD, author of If Love Could Think.

Repeatedly choosing the wrong guys signals that you may be driven to re-create the drama you had with your father or first boyfriend. Many women who had an absentee dad or let the arrogant JV football captain string them along for years will go for men who are unavailable or talk down to them because they're subconsciously trying to resolve things with the guy who let them down earlier in life, says Dunn — even though, clearly, that's not solving anything.

Women in these toxic patterns get hooked on the ups and downs of their relationships and can form what experts call betrayal bonds, which cause them to feel even more attached to men who show them these extreme — and sometimes ultimately dangerous — forms of attention. "You eventually feel like a guy doesn't love you unless he's either yelling in your face or trying to win you back," Dunn says.

Break the Cycle
All guys have less-than-admirable moments, but there are major tip-offs that your type is bad for you. Consistently feeling worse about yourself as you become more involved with a boyfriend is a giveaway that something isn't right, says Diana Kirschner, PhD, author of Love in 90 Days. Other red flags: feeling like you have to walk on eggshells around a guy and dropping everything to spend time with him even though he's proven he wouldn't do the same for you. And while only you know what your relationships are really like, pay attention if your friends and family disapprove of every man you date, says Gratch.

To alter whom you're attracted to, you need to believe that what you've experienced isn't how love has to or should be, says Dunn. Ask friends who are happy in their relationships to describe how their guy behaves toward them so you can hear what you're missing out on. Or if you're coming off yet another bad breakup, consider seeing a therapist to make peace with the guy who originally wronged you, recommends Kirschner.

For extra motivation, picture what your life could be like in 10 years if you're still choosing men who treat you badly versus men who will care for you in a positive way. Which future do you want?




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