Top 5 Bad Relationship Habits To Cut Out In 2012

 It’s a New Year beauties and if you are reading this, you are blessed to have made it to 2012. Some of us welcomed in the New Year with a kiss from our beloved, some of us with champagne toasts and glittery accessories but a handful of us beauties brought in the New Year miserable. We do it every year, we manage to cut off or be cut off by that someone who we were kickin’ it with and end up in the same emotional state we were in prior to this person entering our lives. I always compare this to the feeling you get when a dress you buy at final sale is seen somewhere else at a cheaper price- defeat!

I can’t pull Idris Elba out of my pocket and give him to you nor can I pull a huge engagement ring out the sky and place it on your finger. What I can give you are a few pointers that will help you ease into your next romantic encounter with a little more emotionally-sound ammo, the rest of the story is written by you.

Here are 5 bad relationship habits to cut out in 2012:

 

Making Assumptions: Admittedly I’m an over thinker. I will spin a story so real in my head that I have to question my sanity at times. For the sake of your romantic future, ask questions, and leave estimations up to scientists.

 

Believing You Are Not Worthy of Love: I’m amazed at how many women are still “ok” with settling for half-assed relationships. Know your worth, and save yourself the heartache by knowing when to exit an experience that is not bringing out the best in you.

 

Comparing Your Experience to Your Friends’ Relationships: So you’re the last in the crew to get chose. Girl please,  allow your friend’s big news to enhance your outlook on love and not be step by step instructions or a threat to your individual love experience.

 

Sabotaging Your Potential for Love: I am the pickiest mofo on earth but I can tell you that every one of my shallow “must-haves” have gone out the window with my current beau. Focus on shared values being the deciding factor as opposed to the “Disney Land” idea of the “perfect mate”. 

 

Lying To Yourself: Just like we set goals for our careers I always encourage my people to set goals for love. Many relationships fail to move past a certain stage because both parties have no idea what they really want or they do but have conflicting views of what the relationship should be. Are you looking for a commitment? Is light and casual working for you? Are you interested in serial dating? State your intentions and be about it, avoid getting caught up with partners who have snake charmed their way into your heart but have no desire for a commitment- That’s some 2011 bull!

I’m excited for this year and all of you. I know for a fact that whether or not you have found love, you want to enhance your experience as well as become stronger in your ability to give and receive it. We here!

 Article Source: http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/lipstick-wisdom/telishang/top-5-bad-relationship-habits-to-cut-out-in-2012/


~lOVE 2 B lOVED

The Power to Create - Stop Self-Sabotaging Your Relationships!

You have heard the excuses or even said them yourself. You know the ones like, " I want you to be happy", " I don't want to get hurt", or even "I don't want me or you to settle". The purpose of self-sabotage can sometimes appear to be even noble, that usually means trying to avoid the hurt & pain that comes with the joy & love in relationships. The purpose of self-sabotage can sometimes appear to be even noble, that usually means trying to avoid the hurt & pain that comes with the joy & love in relationships.

Sorry, folks, but all of the above goes hand in hand in relationships. Overcoming past hurts and even embarrassments takes a lot of inner strength because one has to deal with the truth about not only others, but themselves. Learn to be fair to yourself and to be fair to those you love and....that love you back. Beginning anew is not easy to do. So before venturing into the new, make sure you have a handle of the old. Be sure that you are ready to become involved in a relationship before you begin a new one. If you are already in a relationship and it's recognized by you or your significant other that you are pushing your loved one away, then seek out to discover how you can break the cycle of self-sabotage & begin the journey of self discovery. Recognize that you have the POWER TO CREATE. So what do you want to create for yourself, your relationship, your family? Want to exercise your POWER now? Here are some helpful tips to start you on your way to bringing anew :

1. Begin to journal. Writing down your thoughts and reflect monthly to recognize your progress of your healing process.

2. Talk to your significant other about what they see. Don't push if they don't feel comfortable or unable to give you any feedback. That's OK, and beginning the discussion will at least let your loved one know you care and want to be a better companion, person, etc. It can create a world of positive possibilities.

3. Recognize your own power in creating a happier, healthier you. Take ownership of your well- being and the well-being of your relationship.

4. Don't be shy, if needed or wanted, seek help from a trained professional. You should take care of your mental health and well-being like you do your physical health.

5. Above all else, try not to place a timeline on your healing process. The effort of overcoming years of pain and self-doubt takes time. The journey of self-discovery is a life journey.

Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Talena_C._Queen

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Self-Sabotage -- Why Good People Hurt Themselves

What is self-sabotage? It is when people who seem to have everything going for them engage in some foolish behavior that either kills them, hurts them, or gets them into trouble. People use drugs, break the law, steal, starve themselves, find and stay in abusive relationships, cheat on their spouse, drive too fast, drink themselves to death, overeat, don't exercise, push people away, or don't go to the doctor when they get
sick.
Perhaps they may not consciously want to destroy themselves or die. But unconsciously, somewhere inside them, there is a death wish. Freud said that everyone has a death wish, a desire to die, a love of death, thanatos. But I believe some people are more prone to self-sabotage than others.

As a child, everyone wants to be loved and accepted. Some children receive unconditional love from their parents, and are told, "We love you. We want you. We are proud of you. We will nurture you." Other children are unwanted, a nuisance, and unloved. They are told either verbally or nonverball, "We don't want you. We wish you weren't here. You are a bother, a burden. We wish you would disappear." Some
groups in society, such as gays, Blacks, and the poor are also told by those in power, "We don't accept you. We wish you would just disappear, go away, die. We will pretend you don't exist. We hate you. We will ostracize, and deny you any rights."
Some parents encourage self-sabotage by telling their children, "We will not protect you." These parents don't teach their kids coping skills, so their kids don't learn how to survive in a sometimes hostile and frightening world. By not teaching these skills to their children, the parents are communicating that they don't care whether or not their children can cope. Other children are brought up with an unrealistically excessive idea of their own power. They believe they are capable of the impossible and that the world revolves around them. Still other children grow up feeling totally powerless over situations that occur around them. Having either a sense of too much power or no power can cause a child to misjudge situations and hurt themselves in the process.

Internalization of invisibility messages is what happens to children. They believe that if their parents don't want them around, or if the society wants them to die or disappear, that they are worthless and should do just that. This internalization process results in people not valuing their own existence. Self-sabotaging behavior is the result of an internalized death wish. We can see it statistically in the younger death
rates for African-American and Native American males, and the higher suicide rates for gay adolescents. When children lack skills, they don't learn how to cope with
strangers, complicated situations, disappointments, abuses or violations of their boundaries. If they lack assertiveness and discernment, they are more prone to "accidentally" die or put themselves in dangerous situations.

Self-sabotage is the result of an internalized death wish or an inability to take care of oneself in the world. Some marginalized people destroy themselves out of despair. Some Blacks die in gang wars. Some Native Americans drink themselves to death. Being abused reinforces the death wish since the abuser uses the victim, and does not see the victim as a person in their own right. Abused people begin to believe that the abuse is "their fault," and they punish themselves through self-sabotaging behavior.
People who feel worthless are often shamed by their parents and others. They are told they are not good enough. These people may continue to engage in self-sabotaging behaviors to maintain their shame. This validates that they actual are worthless. Maintaining shame perpetuates the death wish. Shame is almost always related to addictive behavior, suicide, and other forms of self-sabotage.

Self-sabotaging people need to be re-parented by people who will love, nurture, and validate them for who they are. They also need to realize that if someone in their lives wanted them to die, they don't have to internalize that death wish. In other words, those who hurt them were wrong, and they are not worthless. Healing from shame involves knowing that one is loved spiritually and emotionally, and realizing that all children are worthy and children of the universe.
This healing process can be done in support groups, in therapy, through journaling and letter writing. It often takes a long time to heal the internalization of shame and the death wish. People need to learn coping skills, and develop the will to live and thrive.

Frequently, self-sabotaging people vent anger inappropriately. They are angry at those who abused or limited them. They are angry about not being loved. They become angry at others who are loved. They may express anger toward those who try to love them. Anger is part of self-sabotaging behavior. It may be hidden as depression, or come out in violent behavior. But the self-hatred of self-sabotage usually manifests itself in some forms of inappropriate anger.
Movies such as "Ordinary People" and "Good Will Hunting" deal with self-sabotage, the internalization of shame, self-hatred, and acting out in anger. They can be useful tools in the healing process.

Probably twenty percent of the population engage in self-sabotaging behaviors regularly. At least that percent of people vent their anger inappropriately at themselves or others. We understand how to heal this pain, and help people reclaim their wholeness, and their desire to live and do well in the world.

© Dr. Michael Obsatz

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by Mike Obsatz