Couples Living Together Need A Plan For Finances

BOSTON (CBS) – The PC term is cohabitation. Many more couples are trying this approach before marriage and in some instances instead of marriage. Over 8 million couples live together. That number may be low due to the fact people often lie to the census taker.

So how does what’s yours, mine and ours work here? This is not going to be a romantic segment! Grab a pad, pencil and your calculator to help.

You need to treat the finances just as if you were two strangers about to become roommates. Talk about the expenses upfront before your friends start carrying the boxes in and if you are willing take it one step further; put everything in writing. Create a cohabitation agreement. You’re dealing with a roommate, one you’re romantically involved with, but they’re still a roommate.

1. Keep your finances separate. Do not open a joint checking account and do not put each other’s names on your credit cards as a user. And think twice about co-signing loans for each other. Share the basic household expenses like the rent, mortgage and utilities.
2. You need to have a clear understanding about what’s expected of each of you. Make a list of the joint expenses and who will be responsible for them. Whose name will be on the electric bill? The water bill? When you sign a lease you may have to do that jointly unless one of you moves into an established situation. Who is going to be responsible for paying the bills?
3. Credit Cards:  Don’t mess with each other’s credit. It could come back to bite you in the butt. Each of you is responsible for your own credit card bills. You want to keep your credit histories separate.
4. Insurance:  If you are renting you both should have renter’s insurance to cover your belongings.
5. Discretionary Expenses:  Food and alcohol. Gets sticky here and again communication is key. Is one of you a gourmet cook and the other content with a can of tomato soup and a grilled cheese? If he likes beer while he watches the game on the weekend then that falls under his expenses. If you drink beer with him or your friends do then that is a joint expense. If his friends come over for a party and you are away it’s his expense.
6. If you buy any large pieces of furniture together who gets them if you split up? Does one of you buy the washer and the other the dryer? Discuss ownership issues before you need to.

One more thing:  According to a recent study when unmarried couples who have been living together part company, women are substantially worse off economically than the men. A man’s household income drops by 10%, a woman’s by 33%. Sounds a lot like the statistics of a divorce. According to the Census Bureau, more than 40% of American women under the age of 45 have lived unmarried with a male partner at some point in their lives..….
 

You can hear Dee Lee’s expert financial advice on WBZ News Radio 1030 each weekday at 1:55 p.m., 3:55 p.m., and 7:55 p.m.

Subscribe to Dee’s Money Matters newsletter here.

Article Source: http://boston.cbslocal.com/2012/06/07/couples-living-together-need-a-plan-for-finances/


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Love In The Air

Why not go cloud gazing with your lover?

Top 10 Ways to Show Your Love

There are many ways to show your love, some of which aren’t material. Although, material objects of affection are wonderful and always welcome.

Everyone loves to receive gifts, but you can show your love and devotion in ways that don’t cost money but require your time and effort.

The top ten ways to show your love include:

10. Offer muscle therapy

A back rub and a foot rub is a winning way to show someone that you love hem. You do not have to be a professional masseuse to be effective at this. Get out some lotion and oil and go to work. If your loved one is tired and achy he or she is going to love this.
9. Give sparkly things

Love can’t be bought, but jewelry is always good. Jewelry can become a symbol of your love. Think about getting your wife or loved one a charm bracelet that features charms that are a direct reflection of her life and her interests. Your gift of jewelry doesn’t have to cost a king’s ransom, although hardly any woman is going to say no to a diamond band; it is the thought that counts. Buy her something that you know she’ll love. If she likes Native American turquoise jewelry or Art Deco opt for that. Earrings, necklaces, pendants, broaches, wristwatches and bracelets are lovely gifts to give to someone you adore.
8. Make it extra thoughtful

If your loved one really loves going to the theatre, for example, buy tickets and surprise her. If she is stressed out and overwrought get her a gift certificate to a spa. Pampering someone and surprising them with something they thoroughly enjoy is a great way to show someone how much you love and care about them.
7. Offer your services

Mow someone’s lawn who can’t mow it themselves. Offer to perform minor maintenance of appliances: replace a vacuum cleaner belt or find what you need in a garden supply store and get the riding mower running in top condition. Go to the grocery store for someone who is housebound. Fix a meal and deliver it. Babysit so that mom and dad can have some time alone and away from their charges. It’s the little things that you do that mean the most to people and that show them how much you care.
6. Say it

Take the time to make that phone call or send that email or snail mail to someone whom you love but haven’t connected with in a while. It doesn’t have to be much. A few words can be magic to someone who needs to know they are still thought of and loved.
5. Don’t suffocate

Don’t suffocate your loved ones. Give them some space. They will return to you – and not because they have to, but because they want to.
4. Make loyalty a priority

Support your loved ones through thick and thin and let them know you have their back. Life gets messy and it’s not always smooth sailing out there. There are going to be times when someone you love does something so incredibly stupid and embarrassing and maybe even scandalous that it would be easy to walk away and cut all ties. Don’t. Let them know you love them no matter what. This doesn’t mean that you have to fix it for them.
3. Practice active listening

Set aside time exclusively reserved and uninterrupted for your loved one, whether it’s your spouse, your child, grandchild, neighbor or your favorite postman that you adore and know is going through a hard time. Giving your undivided attention and listening can mean more to someone than anything else that you have to offer. This doesn’t cost you a thing.

2. Model loving behavior

Take care of your elderly loved ones. Yes, your parents and grandparents can be a handful in their twilight years, but you were a handful once, too. Spend as much time as possible with the seniors in your life. Their time is limited as is your time with them. You may find that you are finally able to establish an actual friendly and reciprocal adult relationship with your parents, which is the kind of relationship that has eluded you throughout your lifetime. Yes, it’s hard and time-consuming and inconvenient to be a caretaker, even a part time one, but the love that you are showing by being there for your parents will be eternally remembered by them. P.S. You are setting a good example for your own children. When your time comes hopefully they will remember how you treated your parents in their time of need.

1. Say it

Telling someone you love them is the # 1 way to show them how much you care. It’s simple. Say it: I LOVE YOU. More importantly, you have to mean it. Not only talk the talk but walk the walk. You can’t truly love someone and then treat them abominably or neglectfully. There is no better gift than sincere love and the genuine actions that occur as a result.


 Article Source: http://www.catalogs.com/info/bestof/top-10-ways-to-show-your-love


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Relationship Rehab: 12 Steps To Becoming A Happier Couple In 2012

By Natalie Gontcharova

Your 12-step program to a better, healthier relationship.

What's your New Year's resolution for 2012? To exercise more? To be more productive? We bet "a more honest and open relationship" isn't on many of your lists. That's because tons of people put their relationships on autopilot, hoping the kinks will just work themselves out — and then they argue each and every day, and end up resenting each other. The best way to have a happy relationship is to keep working on it, so even if you're not currently in a relationship rut, follow these 12 tips from our staff and you'll keep being happy.

1. Say "please" and "thank you." This shows your partner you appreciate them and keeps you from taking each other for granted. 

2. Grab your partner's butt every day (or at least every other day).

3. Kiss every morning!

4. Say "good morning" every morning.

5. Cuddle.

6. Spend at least one night a week with your significant other and family/friends, i.e. don't hole up all by yourselves.

7. Use baby talk/pet names very sparingly. If you overuse these, you could damage your relationship since you won't be able to relate to each other seriously.

8. DO THE DISHES. Set up some type of system for who does them when.

9. Practice listening.

10. Practice honesty, even when it's uncomfortable.

11. If you and your partner are indecisive about where to eat or what movie to watch, play the "5-3-1" game. One person names five choices, the other vetoes two of them, and then the first person eliminates the remaining two. Ta-da, no more "Where you do want to eat?" "I don't care, what do you want to do?" (From 8 Relationship Tricks Happy Couples Use)

12. If you live together, make sure you each still have your own private space where you can retreat to work, think, or partake in bizarre grooming rituals that the other person wouldn't want to see.

Article Source:http://www.yourtango.com/2012130043/10-steps-happier-relationship-2012


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Will Smith Gives Good Relationship Advice

 After being married for 13 years to wife Jada Pinkett-Smith, actor Will Smith seems like he would be a good person to sit down and talk with about how to make a healthy marriage work. He recently spoke with Essence about relationships, schooling us on not only love and marriage, but what men need to be happy. He says that every man wants to marry their “homie,” avoid nagging by direct affection, give your man a little space, and keep things mysterious:

If You Marry Your Best Friend, You’re Good 

Every man wants to marry his homie, Will explained. A lot of women will impress them, but it’s the one they can always laugh with and be themselves with that will ultimately impress them the most. If you can be yourselves around each other, 100 percent of the time, and they can make you life like no one else can, you’ll never have a dull moment together.  

Remind Him of What He Has 

When you start to feel that you’re nagging your husband to the point of no return and nothing you’re saying is getting through, Will suggests you try a new approach. Hold him close, look him right in the eyes, and tell him that you love him, you’re right there, and you always will be, BUT you need him to pick his socks up – right now.  As Will puts it, it’s important to remind him that your request is coming from a good place, and what you want is a small thing in the grand scheme of things. Um, genius!  

All Men Need A Little Space 

“If you don’t give your husband thirty minutes to himself when he first gets home he’ll stop coming home,” Will told me, straight up. (You’re thinking, no way, right? I did too!) When I asked Will when a wife was supposed to say her piece, he responded, “anytime after that.” Will reminded me that everyone’s home needs to feel like a happy place, and it won’t if you’re “greeted with negativity” every time you enter the door. Touché Will. Talk about a pause for the cause.  

Focus on Balance and Excitement Always According to Will and Jada’s way of thinking about marriage, maintaining a happy union isn’t just about making time for one another, it’s about making the time count too. Excitement and mystery are everything, he said. Surprise them, let them know you love them, laugh together – whatever it takes to put a smile on their face.

Article Source: http://necolebitchie.com/2011/06/21/will-smith-offers-relationship-advice-marry-your-best-friend/

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31 Date Ideas That Are Perfect for Fall!

by Kim Fusaro

Whether you need first date ideas for a rendezvous with your crush or just want to do ANYTHING but dinner and a movie with your steady guy, I think you'll find this list of 31 fall-friendly dates inspiring!

Host an outdoor dinner party for two!

Get lost in a corn maze! (It's scarier than you think!)

Build a fort and snack on indoor S'mores!

Play two-man video games at the arcade! (The more old-school, the better!)

Jump in piles of fallen leaves!

Take a brewery tour and sample yummy beers!

Choose three cheeses you've both never tried and make a yummy cheese plate. (Don't forget the wine!)

Pick out a fun kit from a hobby shop (model race car! mini air plane!) and build it together.

Take a ride on a rented bicycle built for two!

Play an old-school board game!

Carve pumpkins!

Take a sight-seeing tour—on public transportation!

Play laser tag!

Ask a psychic what your futures hold!

Instead of a fancy-pants high-pressure dinner, meet for breakfast instead. (Mmm ... syrup!)

Visit the aquarium!

Whip up some (spiked!) milk and cookies.

Break out the sidewalk chalk and try your hand (er, feet) at hopscotch. Once you're done with hopping, move on to tic-tac-toe!

Find a cookbook at the library and pick something yummy to cook together! (Bring quarters for so you can photocopy the recipe!)

Bring a handful of pennies to a local fountain and make some wishe

Paint pottery together. (If your instincts tell you it's childish, ignore 'em!)

See if he's man enough to go for a pedicure with you! (I begged my husband before our wedding—and he wound up loving it!)

Take a walk on a deserted beach!

Challenge your crush to a push-up contest. Or ask him to join you for a Pilates class!

Rather than meet up for drinks, meet up for a cupcake! (Or two!)

Go to Target and pick out silly, inexpensive surprise gifts for each other! (Max price tag: $10!)

Spend an afternoon at a fall harvest festival!

Pay a visit to your local bingo hall and join the grandmas for a few rounds!

Take a long walk and hold hands the entire time!

Attend trivia night at a bar!

Visit a haunted house!

Article Source:http://www.glamour.com/sex-love-life/blogs/smitten/2011/09/31-date-ideas-that-are-perfect.html

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How to Grow Old Together

If you've been with your partner for a while, maybe the two of you are going through a life transition. Perhaps when you first met, the biggest argument you had was about where to go on Friday night. Now you are ready to take those next steps: getting jobs, houses, pets and paying bills. Following these steps will help you get you and your partner on the right track.


Instructions:

Decide that you want to grow old with your partner, and talk about if you are both ready. If only one person is ready for more responsibility, then it is not going to work. Harboring doubts about your partner makes the process more difficult.

Figure out exactly what "growing old" means for the two of you. Perhaps it means that it is time to have a home and family. Maybe it just means that you accept responsibility for all the things that come with adulthood. Growing old together has different meanings for everyone. Make sure that you and your partner are on the same page.

Make plans and stick to them. Growing old together also means being responsible and trustworthy. Create a calendar of things you want to do and follow through.

Pay your bills on time and be financially stable. Set aside one day a month when you go through all your finances and pay all your bills together.

Spend time with other people together. Do special things together, like going to dinner for dad's birthday or attend a holiday  together.

Practice being respectful of yourselves and others. Stop the petty fighting, put the past behind you and focus on your future together.

Review your progress. Taking control of your behavior and finances are important. If the two of you have been able to help each other toward that goal, then your relationship is healthy.

Article Source:http://www.ehow.com/how_2107556_grow-old-together.html




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Some Tips For Improving Interactions With Loved Ones

Share more. Be open and honest about what is really going on in your life. This will help others relate to you better and, in turn, open up to you.

Make time to talk. Agree to a time to chat each day. Consider setting a time limit, especially for couples where one person likes to talk more than the other. It helps the quiet person speak up—and the chatty one focus on what's really worth saying.

Go outside together. Being outdoors relieves stress and makes it easier to connect. There's also less need for direct eye contact, sometimes a good thing.

Discuss finances. Money is one of the most divisive issues in a relationship. Discuss it and decide how to manage it before it becomes a problem.

Turn off the computer. And the iPhone, TV and videogames.

Try talking without a screen in front of you. Too many families spend evenings with their separate electronic devices.

Make new friends. Research shows that high-quality relationships are important. Add to your support network by reaching out to someone you'd like to know better

Source:http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052970203731004576045721718177728.html



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Date Night Ideas for Couples

Every couple should have a “date night”. This is one night out of the week that you spend together doing something fun and different. If you’re having trouble coming up with new ideas for your dates, or are interested in starting a date night tradition with your sweetie, then read on!


Play Board Games
Try LoveGames.com for an overview of romantic and sensual games for couples. You could also go with traditional games such as Monopoly, Scrabble or Sorry. To add a romantic twist to Scrabble, modify it with the rule that all words you spell have to be on the topic of love and romance. For a huge selection of boardgames you can buy online check out BoardGames.com!

Cook Dinner Together
If you’re looking for great recipes there are plenty of websites where you can search and then print out recipes to try together. We recommend Cooking.com, the recipes are easy to search, tested, and most include a picture.

Movie Night
Cuddle up and watch a movie together. Don’t forget the snacks! If you live near a drive-in movie theatre this is a must.

Have a Romantic Evening at Home
Order take-out, indulge in a bath together with bubbles and candles, massage each other, make love.

Go House Viewing
Take a drive, or walk in a neighborhood you’de like to live in and pick out your favorite houses. On the weekends you might be able to visit open houses and tour homes that are for sale.

Enjoy a Night Out On the Town
Catch a movie or street festival, a dance, a play at the theatre or high school.

Star Gazing
Find a place away from the city lights to star gaze with your sweetie. Bring a blanket and bug repellent.

Learn to Dance
Sign up to take dance lessons once a week with your hunny.

Go Dancing
If you already know how to dance visit a nightclub that plays music you like and party like buddies.

Learn Something
Take a one-time class together. Call your local information office to find out if your city offers a fun, one-night class such as cooking, painting or pottery.

Visit a Museum
If a regular history museum screams “boring”, look into whether your city has an art museum or exhibit, a “Ripley’s Believe It or Not museum”, a wax museum, cultural museum, artifact museum, war museum or museum related to a major event from the past (ex. the Titanic museum).

Play Together
Go bowling, play pool, minigolf, iceskate or inline skating.

Get to Know your City
Visit an aquacultural or environmental tourist attraction in your city. Ideas: biodome, aquarium, planetarium, arbouritarium, botanical garden, etc.


Article Source:http://www.getromantic.com/romance/romance_tips/date_night_for_couples.html



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How to Keep Your Relationship Happy with Small, Meaningful Gestures

Every relationship has times when things aren't so happy. The good news is that's fixable. The better news is that you can do it without spending a lot of time or money. Small gestures can be just as meaningful as extravagant ones.

Keep Your Relationship Happy: Step One

The first step you can take to keep your relationship happy is to stop taking your partner for granted. Think back to the beginning of your relationship. Chances are you were both happy. You were enjoying each other, and enjoying doing things for each other.

Most likely not all of the things you did when you were starting your relationship were over-the-top. Small gestures probably meant a lot to both you and your partner. Signs that you care are what made got your relationship started in the first place - and you were both pretty happy then, right?

Keep Your Relationship Happy: Step Two

Okay, so you remember how happy the beginning of your relationship was. If you really want to keep your relationship happy, now is the time to break the "why should I?" cycle.

It's really easy to get stuck in the "why should I?" relationship cycle. In fact, it's so easy that I can't name anyone I know that I haven't seen in this cycle. The problem is that this doesn't make for a happy relationship.

Even if you know that you aren't doing all that you can to keep your relationship happy, you can justify it. Your partner's behavior is probably different from the way it was in the beginning, too. Why should you have to be the one to change? Why should you make more of an effort than your partner is (or seems to be) making?

Why should you? Taking the initiative, making the first motion, and breaking the cycle isn't a bad thing or a sign of weakness. Actually, if you want a happy relationship, it's a good thing. It's a sign of caring and love.

Besides, thinking that you shouldn't have to be the first to make an effort isn't getting your relationship anywhere. Your partner may very well be using the same justification. The bottom line, "why should you", is that this is a negative relationship cycle. If you want a happy relationship, you should break this negative cycle - and it will probably be easier than you think!

Keep Your Relationship Happy: Step Three

So, are your ready to work on your happy relationship? Do you think it's time to try out some of those small, simple gestures that are oh-so-meaningful?

You probably already know most of the tricks to help keep your relationship happy. Extending to your partner the simple courtesy that you extend to others in your life really helps - and it isn't always remembered.

Simple courtesy is the easiest way to keep your relationship happy, and it should be practiced by both partners. It is the little reminders that you are aware of your partner, and that you care.

Do what you say you will do. Call if you know you will be late. Hold the door for your partner. Offer to pick up something at the store on your way home. If you are leaving first, wipe the snow from your partner's windshield, or offer to start their car to warm up.

These simple courtesies that we extend everyday should always be extended to our partner. They can be easy to forget, since we know that our partner will understand. Remembering them will help keep your relationship happy. Your partner will be happy to see that you are thinking of them.

Keep Your Relationship Happy: Step 4

We all know someone who is just so charming; they always know the perfectly thoughtful thing to do. You can do that, too. Paying attention to the details can help you pick up on how your partner feels. Using those details can help keep your relationship happy.

For example, you probably have heard your partner say that something is their least-favorite chore. Your partner has probably also mentioned their favorite meal, or a treat they enjoy. Small details such as these can be very useful in keeping your relationship happy.

Noting the details helps you learn about the likes and dislikes of your partner. This is a sort of positive ammunition. You can use these details to keep your relationship happy.

The first way to use these details to keep your relationship happy is to cheer up your partner. If your partner has had a bad day, make them their favorite meal or do a chore that is usually "theirs" that you

know they don't like. This shows your partner two things: first, that you know them well enough to know how to cheer them up, and second, that you care enough to notice when they are unhappy and to want to fix it.

A great way to keep your relationship happy is to use these little details at unexpected times. You don't have to order a dozen roses or the new muffler your partner has been drooling over to randomly cheer up your partner with a surprise. Even small gestures, like picking up a new magazine that you think they'll like, make a difference. When there is no reason, these gestures mean even more.

It isn't as hard as you may think to keep your relationship happy. It's all in the details, and the small gestures. Show your partner that you think of them, and that they matter to you, and you can expect to see a happy relationship.

SOURCE: http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/154977/how_to_keep_your_relationship_happy_pg3.html?cat=41

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10 Crucial and Surprising Steps to Build Trust in a Relationship [Part-1]

1. Be predictable. When do seeds of suspicion emerge? When one begins to think, What's up? Why is he doing that? He's never done that before. That is so unlike him. He loses 30 pounds, buys a new wardrobe and comes home late from work. He changes his patterns. His behavior becomes unpredictable. You get the picture? Any movement away from predictable behavior can become suspect and trust can deteriorate. Focus on acting predictably if you need to build trust. Be consistent in what you do. This doesn't mean you must be boring. If there is a twinkle in your eye and a dose of spontaneity every so often, for goodness sakes be spontaneous and fun loving. But, be spontaneous consistently! ***Be true to who you have always been and be that consistently, whoever you tend to be!***

2. Inform your significant other when you become "unpredictable." No one goes through life the same person. We all make shifts and changes. Frankly sometimes we may be fairly clueless about what is happening and where we are going. Those times may be very intense and we do some silly things or make some downright dumb decisions. Life can get very squirrelly and unpredictable. (I have a favorite phrase: Gold is refined through intense heat.) Growth in an individual, marriage or family often is accompanied by a little chaos. Welcome these shifts, for there is a part of you searching for something better/ different/ richer/ deeper, but for heaven's sake, inform your partner of what you are experiencing. Say, "I really don't know what is going on in me right now, but I'm moving in a different direction. Be a little patient with me while I figure this out. I might do some silly things, but my intent is not to harm you or scare you. Accept some of my wondering and wandering and please be there for me? I may need to run some of this by you every so often!"

3. Make sure your words match the message. Mean what you say and say what you mean. When your partner hears one thing in your words but your tone of voice, body language and facial expressions are really saying something else, you open the relationship to some crazy making days. Which message is she to believe? This can waste a tremendous amount of energy and she learns not to trust part of what you are saying. Here's a very simple but common example. You are getting ready to go to a formal dinner. Your wife comes to you and says, "How do I look?" (And she's wearing a dress you don't particularly like and her hair is pulled back in a way that turns you off.) Not to spoil the evening you enthusiastically say, "You look great." You don't really mean it and a part of her knows you really don't mean it. But, you leave it at that. This might not seem like a big deal - we all have done something similar - but if trust is shaky to begin with, it is even shakier now. Here's how to match the words with the nonverbal: "I think you are a beautiful person. I want you to know that. I love you dearly and it will be wonderful to have you by my side tonight. Others will see your beauty. (As you say this, you look into her eyes as you put your hands around her waist.) She's not concerned so much with how she looks but is expressing a need for affirmation. She's not talking about her dress or hair, but about wanting to know the evening is going to go just fine. You respond to the real message. You can take this one step further, if you like. At some point you might bring up her need for affirmation and talk about that. Ask her is there is anything you can say or do so that need is met. ***Trust is awareness of the intent beneath the obvious message and responding to that!***

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Dr._Robert_Huizenga



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Relationship Advice: the Romance Paradox

 

Dating tips for independent women who don't know what to do with an old-fashioned romance

-Jennifer Benjamin

A dirty little secret is being kept by many smart, independent women: In relationships, they'd prefer not to wear the pants. In fact, they long for their men in love to kick it old-school by, say, opening the car door, picking up the dinner tab (at least in the early days of dating), and eventually, asking Dad's permission for their hand in marriage.


If you're cringing right now, you're not alone. Even the women who crave these ultratraditional displays feel a little squeamish about it. "Women work hard to be respected and taken seriously in so many areas of their lives, and some may feel as if they're betraying their 'strong female' identity by adopting old-fashioned romantic conventions in which the man is, in some ways, playing a dominant role," says Tara M. Emmers-Sommer, Ph.D., a professor of communication studies at the University of Nevada at Las Vegas. So how does a modern girl reconcile these two disparate sides of herself? Read on.


Romantics at Heart
When your guy squashes a big, scary bug for you—or better, whisks you away for a secretly planned weekend—there's no shame in swooning just a little. "No matter how powerful and independent they are, women still want to be pursued, protected, and cared for by their partners," says psychologist Diana Kirschner, Ph.D., author of Love in 90 Days.


You can blame it, at least in part, on biology. "Like all other animals, humans evolved to ensure healthy offspring. Millions of years ago, women wanted to mate with strong, resourceful, stable partners who could help provide for and protect their children," says Helen Fisher, Ph.D., a professor of anthropology at Rutgers University in New Jersey and author of Why We Love. "And although it has been a long time since women have needed men to support them financially, the cues that indicate those same qualities are still innately attractive to women." In other words, when he plans a date or helps you with a problem, it's powerful because, on some deep and perhaps unconscious level, it shows his ability to take charge and his staying power in the relationship.


Plus, being wooed feels pretty damn great. It can boost your levels of feelgood dopamine—the neurotransmitter responsible for creating that romantic high—and the brain hormone oxytocin, which fosters feelings of attachment to a partner. Sweet gestures (bringing you a cup of coffee in bed, braving the cold to get the mail, driving you to the airport) can trigger that same lovey-dovey response, but a woman also tends to feel an increase in sexual desire when she perceives that her man is listening and taking care of her, says Kirschner.


Biology aside, we can't ignore societal expectations, even in 2010. Emmers-Sommer conducted a recent study of 442 men and women between the ages of 18 and 49, and found that men are still largely the initiators when it comes to asking for a date, and that both sexes expect the man to always pay. "It's social modeling: We're given these scripts about the male-female dynamic," she explains.


Some of these notions of old-fashioned romance have been drilled into our heads since, well, our first Disney flick. As we get older, we're fed even more (and often traditional) relationship advice from our parents, along with being inundated by messages in ads, chick flicks, and reality TV.


Think about it—the commercial where the man gives his wife a new diamond ring when they hit the five-year mark, the romcom in which the hero chases his true love through airport security and onto the plane, leaving his shoes and spare change behind. And on reality TV, people fall in love and propose after, oh, roughly five dates (which consist of helicopter rides and romps on tropical beaches). A study done by Robert H. Woods Jr., Ph.D., at Spring Arbor University, and Samuel Ebersole, Ph.D., at Colorado State University at Pueblo, found that 18-to 25-year-olds avidly watch The Bachelor and The Bachelorette—and many of them claim they watch this type of show to live vicariously through the characters.

Article Source:http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/articlematch.aspx?cp-documentid=26038069



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