Quote Of The Week: Sir Walter Scott

"Love rules the court, the camp and the grove, And men below, and the saints above; For love is heaven and heaven is love."
-Sir Walter Scott




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Poem Of The Week: Giving Love

Giving Love

By Brandon Angelo


I give you my mind
I give you my soul
I give you everything my heart can hold

I give you my words
I give you my affection
I give you it all to you wrapped with my protection

I give you you
I give you me
I give you both, as confusing as that may be

I give you letters
I give you poems
I give you apart of me so you'll never feel alone

I give you time
I give you attention
I give you everything under any condition

I give you my heart and everything I've written up above, but most of
all I give you my love


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How to Lose Weight as a Couple

By Orlando Jimi


You put on that marital-bliss belly together, and now it’s time to take it off as a team. Though the science seems stacked against you—a 2009 study published in the journal Obesity found that just living with a romantic partner for more than 2 years correlated with obesity, inactivity, and sedentary behavior—you can still lose weight with your better half if you take the right steps.

“Couples have so many opportunities to help each other—more than they would have if they were trying to lose weight alone,” says Jason Bazilian, a doctor of acupuncture and oriental medicine, who shares a practice that focuses on nutrition, exercise, and healthy living with his wife Wendy Bazilian, DrPH, RD in San Diego, California. In fact, a 2008 study found that when one partner enrolled in a weight loss program, the non-participating partner ended up copying their spouse’s healthier behavior: They counted calories, weighed themselves more often, and lost an average of 5 pounds. Here are eight strategies to ensure that getting hitched isn’t the end of healthy living—together, you can eat better, exercise more, and fight fat.


Make Time for Sleep

Getting adequate sleep is super important to achieving—and maintaining—weight loss, says Wendy. “Jason and I really try to watch out for each other when it comes to getting enough rest. If we’re just sitting and lingering some evenings, we nudge each other to call it a night.” Missing out on shut-eye can impair your metabolism and upset the body’s natural appetite signals. It increases ghrelin, a hormone that increases appetite and decreases leptin, a hormone that tells us when we’ve had enough to eat. Messing with this killer combo is a surefire way to overeat.

To help each other hit the hay, Wendy suggests creating a wind-down routine. This can include anything from setting out your clothes for the next day to doing a few relaxing stretches before slipping between the sheets. Try to stay away from talking about your to-do list or other stressful conversation topics right before bed. And while it’s great to hit the hay together, encourage your partner to turn in earlier if you have to stay up to finish a project.


Display Your Fittest Pics

Which activity would you rather remember: the time you bicycled across the Brooklyn Bridge, or the time you stuffed yourself on Thanksgiving? “A majority of our framed photos are of us actually doing things,” says Wendy. “When you see yourself being active, you’ll be inspired to plan your next trip or weekend adventure. Sometimes all it takes to motivate you is seeing how fit you were or remembering how invigorated you felt at a certain time.”Displaying photos of you being active as a couple acts as a constant reminder of how you plan to live your life together.


Keep a Couple’s Calendar

A calendar offers more than just inspiration to plan ahead–a crucial habit for healthy eating and making time for fitness (and each other). It’s also a great place to keep track of daily and weekly goals. Having your milestones out in the open keeps you honest and gives partners an opportunity to track progress and celebrate success.

The Bazilians share a week-at-a-glance planner that has a “his” and“hers” column for each day. “This way we can see when our schedules intersect and when each of us has obligations,” says Jason. “We use the planner to strategize around who’s picking up groceries, who’s cooking that night, and so on. It’s great for communication.”

Turn your calendar into a weight loss tool by color-coding different types of activities. Keep track of mealtimes using a green marker, exercise and opportunities to be active with a red marker, work and other obligations in blue marker. This is a visual reminder to make sure you have a balanced week that incorporates both work and play.

Get More Cooks in the Kitchen

Even if one person tends to be the chef in the family, there are plenty of other jobs to go around when it comes to preparing meals and keeping healthy snacks at the ready. “We very much share responsibilities and give each other tasks to do in the kitchen,”says Jason. Shopping and stocking the fridge for whatever recipe is on the menu, cutting vegetables or fruit for healthy grab-and-go snacks, and organizing the pantry so smart choices are in front are no-cook jobs that couples can share, says Wendy. Making healthy foods available can be time-consuming for just one person, but having a partner in food prep leaves more time for fun.

Tip Make eating healthy a weekly ritual. Try a new recipe once a week and make extra servings so you have leftovers for the next day’s lunch.

Accept Your Dietary Differences

Sharing is caring, but it’s unlikely the two of you need the same calorie counts to lose or maintain your weight. “As a couple the tendency is to want to split everything even-stephen,” says Jason.“But if you just nudge the knife over a tiny bit to make more appropriate portion sizes, you’ll be closer to achieving your goals.”

You should have an equal partnership, but your portions likely won't match. “I shouldn't eat as much as Jason,” says Wendy. “I’m 7 inches shorter and I’m a woman—I’m at a metabolic disadvantage. There’s nothing more wonderful than sitting down to eat together, but that’s challenging when he has more on his plate than I do.” If you’re the one stuck with a smaller portion size, or the speed-eater who inhales a meal, try using chopsticks to pace yourself. Polishing off your plate at the same time helps the partner who'd finish first avoid going back for seconds.

Take a Walk-and-Talk

Instead of plopping down on the couch to hash over your day, take the talk outdoors. “It’s almost like our couples therapy,” says Jason. “We fill up two bottles of water, put on our sneakers, and go outside to talk while walking around the neighborhood.”

But don’t worry about changing into gym duds or grabbing your pedometer. “It’s just extra movement to build into your day,” says Wendy. “The intent is not to go out and exercise—it’s to add activity to an everyday thing like talking about the day's events.”

Discover a Different Type of Date Night

Planning an evening that revolves around eating won’t bode well for your waistlines. Instead, make sitting down to dinner the date’s final destination, and spend the first half of your night exploring the neighborhood surrounding the restaurant. For an even healthier time on the town, try a dance lesson or get a group together to go bowling or play pool, says Wendy.

Or, ditch date night for date day. An evening setting naturally pushes you toward a more sedentary choice. But there isn’t a rule that says you can’t schedule special time when the sun is shining. A daytime date busts you out of the dinner-and-a-movie rut, and opens the door to activities like hiking, kayaking, and bicycling (weather permitting). And eating isn’t out of the question—lunch menus usually offer lighter fare in smaller portions so you can dine without derailing your diet.



Article Source:http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/none/how-to-lose-weight-as-a-couple-2463828/



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Lyrics Of The Week: Lay With You

Lay With You
El Debarge & Faith Evans


Oh baby!
Just wanna lay right here with you!
Baby I just wanna lay with you!
I know you have work,
But I would love for you to stay with me,
For a little while longer!
I’m asking a lot but I don’t want you to go away,
Cause I can’t get you out of my mind, girl!
I could just look at you,
All day long,
Your beautiful smile I just
Can’t go wrong!
And only if you didn’t have to leave,
You could relax and chill with me.

Chorus:
Let’s not leave the house today,
I just wanna lay with you, with your body close to mine!
Room service will be on their way,
I just wanna lay with you,
I can’t get enough of you girl!

Oh, baby,
You’re making it hard for me to leave!
Wish I wouldn’t have to go,
So next time I’m around let’s hope it will rain,
So we could just stay in.
Cause I just wanna lay with you!
If I could just look at you
All day long,
Your beautiful smile I just
Can’t go wrong!
And only if you didn’t have to leave,
We could relax and just chill in these sheets
Find More lyrics at www.sweetslyrics.com

Chorus:
Let’s not leave the house today,
I just wanna lay with you, with your body close to mine!
Room service will be on the way,
I just wanna lay with you,
I can’t get enough of you girl!

Uhhhhh, one night with you is like Heaven!
Like Heaven!
I don’t wanna go from here,
Oh, baby!
Kissing your neck while you’re sleeping,
Sleeping!
Laying with me!

Chorus:
Let’s not leave the house today,
I just wanna lay with you *
Room service will be on their way,
I just wanna lay with you,
I can’t get enough of you girl!

Let’s not leave the house today,
I just wanna lay with you, I just wanna lay with ya baby.

ad-lib as song fades out


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How To Be A Good Boyfriend

A man can easily learn how to be a good boyfriend. All it takes is a little bit of practice and determination to do it. Willingness is the key for any man to learn how to be a good boyfriend. Unfortunately not all men are willing to study and do what it takes to be a good boyfriend.

Most men foolishly adopt a ‘love me or leave me' attitude wherein they are too stubborn to admit their shortcomings. These are usually the type of men that bank on the frailty of most women, the kind of women who would rather die than be left alone without a man.

However, men of this character must be living in the dark ages, as many women today would not tolerate this type of behavior. The modern woman of today is more discerning. Any man who would want to be in a relationship with her would certainly have to brush up on how to be a good boyfriend in order to keep her interested.

Fortunately there are still a lot of men who believe in giving their best in a relationship. These men take the initiative in learning how to be a good boyfriend to their significant other. And in the end reap the rewards of their labor with a loving and satisfying relationship.

Learning How to be a Good Boyfriend
Learning how to be a good boyfriend has a lot of advantages not just for women but also for men. A man that makes an effort to learn how to be a good boyfriend can look forward to a better and stronger relationship with their partner. An appreciative girlfriend will most likely shower her man with more love and affection than before. In addition, there will probably be less nagging that will surely be a welcome respite for any man.

However if a man still experiences the same type of treatment even after learning how to be a good boyfriend then there is something wrong. It would be a good idea to assess the relationship at this point. Perhaps the man is not to blame and the fault lies elsewhere.

Keep in mind that there are some women in the world that cannot be content unless they are nagging or criticizing something. At this point, a man may want to think if the relationship is still worth pursuing or if it would be time to move on and probably find someone who would appreciate them better.

A good boyfriend knows how to keep his girlfriend happy. Satisfying a woman is a comprehensive plan that does not only involve the sexual aspect of a relationship. A good way to do so is to make her feel special by complimenting her on how well she looks.

Women do their best to look pretty for their man and a little flattering remark goes a long way to show her that her efforts are appreciated. It is also a good idea for a man to evaluate his own physical appearance. As a woman takes the time to look good for her man therefore a man should also look good for his woman.

To show respect for her and her family is a trait of a good boyfriend that every man should adopt. A well-mannered man is polite and nice to his girlfriend's family. Women are particularly appreciative of a man that accepts and loves her family. Communication is a vital part of every relationship. Women cherish a man who listens and pays attention to what they have to say.

There are no hard and fast rules on how to be a good boyfriend. And learning how to be a good boyfriend is not easy. The enthusiasm to learn must be present. It is also important to be comfortable and at ease with oneself when undertaking such an education.

Being true to oneself is an important part of the learning process. A man forced into learning how to be a good boyfriend can develop negative emotions that would not be healthy for the individual and for the relationship. If a man were not interested in learning then he would only be fooling himself and his partner.


Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/dating-articles/how-to-be-a-good-boyfriend-15421.html#ixzz1Jzozw4lf
Under Creative Commons License: Attribution




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How To Be A Good Girlfriend

The initial stages of a relationship are the best. Everything is so good, you do not have a single argument and the entire time is spent in talking, while looking into each others’ eyes. To top it all, your partner seems to be just perfect. It is after spending a considerable amount of time together that the flaws began to surface and you start seeing the areas where your ideas don’t match. The key to a successful relationship is in understanding each other and adjusting to each other’s needs and wants. In this article, we have emphasized on the girl’s side and listed the traits and qualities men look for in a girlfriend. Just keep the given below tips in mind to ensure your relationship is as smooth as it can be.

How to be a Good Girlfriend:

• Don’t RushFirst of all, take things slowly. Don’t make him rush into things. Let him take his time to introduce you as his girlfriend. Agreed, marriage is a very important part of the relationship, but don’t remind him so on a daily basis. Just go with the flow and let time take its course.

• Be IndependentYes, he is a very important part of your life, but please don’t center your life on him. Have a life of your own, spend sometime with yourself, hang out with friends and attend family functions. Being there for him when he needs you is definitely desired, but don’t keep clinging on to him.

• AppreciateAppreciate him for what he is and don’t be constantly on the look for habits that you can criticize. Don’t try to change him completely. Remember, this is the same man who made you fall in love.

• Have a Mind of Your OwnIt is not necessary that you should agree to what he says and disagree to what he doesn’t like. Have a mind of you own. Two people, who live together, have a difference of opinion on many issues and it is very natural too. However, please do not oppose him in everything he says.

• SpaceRemember, both of you are different individuals and have a life beyond each other too. Let him have his share of independence & space in a relationship. Having a night-out with the boys, once in a while, is good for him. Again, too much space is also not too good. After all, both of you are a couple.

• Be CheerfulNo guy likes a girl who is a cry baby. Once in a while, all of us get emotional and end up crying, but do not make it a regular feature. Infact, guys like girls who have a good sense of humor. Have the ability to laugh at yourself.

• Share His InterestsNo, we are not asking you to start lifting his 10 kilo dumbbells. Nonetheless, try to share his interest in cricket, football, or any other area. You can watch a game with him every now and then, trying to understand the game from him. If you don’t overdo it, I’m sure he will love explaining the nuances to you.

• Pamper HimMost of the guys are pampered by their mums and if your guy is in the majority, it is your turn to pamper him. Do small things for him like cleaning his room, getting his laundry washed, cooking his food, etc. It will show how much you care for him & there are all the chances of his responding likewise.

• Have Self RespectGuys like girls who hold their ground and do not take crap from anyone. Nobody is asking you to have an inflated ego, but never ever compromise on your self-respect either. He will respect you only if you respect yourself.

• Be His FriendYou have moved on from being ‘just friends’ to being a ‘couple’. Still, this does not mean that you will forget the ‘friend part’ of your relationship. Make sure to keep the friendship in the love alive.

• CommunicateYour boyfriend is a human being, not a magician, who will get to know your feeling on his own. Whether you are happy, sad or hurt, talk to him! You don’t need to tell him every detail of an incident, but please don’t keep him in the dark either. Never ever stop communicating with him.

• Be ExpressiveThough guys deny it, they love reading romantic messages, receiving gifts, getting hugs, etc. Please be expressive in a relationship. He knows that you love him, but expressing it will keep the romance in the relationship alive. 

• Consistency and PatienceThis is one thing most of the girls lack. Do not keep shuttling between different moods and emotions. Be consistent in your feelings and moods. Do not jump to conclusion. Be patient and hear him out before saying anything.

Article Source:http://lifestyle.iloveindia.com/lounge/how-to-be-a-good-girlfriend-884.html


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Quote Of The Week: Hebrew Talmud

"Men, take care not to make women weep, for God counts their tears."


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Poem Of The Week: And Still I Love You

And Still I Love You

By Tupac Shakur



I don't have everything
as a matter of fact I don't have anything
except dream of a better day
and you 2 help me find my way
Being a man I am sure 2 make mistakes
but 2 keep u I would do all it takes
and if it meant my love was really true
I'd gladly die and watch over u
I wish u knew how much I cared
u'd see my love is true by the life we'd share
Even if u changed your mind and said our love was thru
I'd want 2 die continuously cry and still I'd love u



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How To Fight Fair In Relationships

Fighting fair in relationships- Why is it absolutely essential to a strong relationship? Every relationship has conflict. If you don't fight fair though, there will never be true romantic love. Why? because one of you if not both will consistently harbor resentment towards the other. I read an awesome quote last week "It takes two to speak the truth. One to speak and the other to hear" That is very true.

When two people fight, there's naturally going to be a reaction in one or both people. That reaction is usually anger or rage. The way we handle these reactions determines whether or not our love will grow or whether it will die. Men need to learn a way to listen without making their partner's feelings seem unimportant. Women need to learn a way to approach their partners wtihout criticism and nagging. Women tend to become alot more emotional than men when conflict arises. Men will tend to become distant whereas women tend to nag on the issue because they need to show their emotions. Women also tend to be more insecure than men.

Some tips for fair fighting in a relationship:

Don't blame - Make suggestions instead. Also before discussing, try role reversal. Put yourself in your partner's shoes for a moment and try to picture the conflict from their point of view.

Deal with one issue at a time. Don't bring up multiple issues at once. That is mental overload on both of you. DON'T continuously bring up past issues into current issues.

Men shouldn't run away during a fight. If you feel you need a time out- ask for one. Reassure your partner that you want to continue to talk about but you just need to take a mental time out. Women shouldn't follow your partner if they need that time out. Give a little space.

Only one person should talk at a time. If you need to set a timer, do so. I know that might sound a bit crazy but make it that each person gets 2 minutes at a time. Don't speak while your partner is speaking. LISTEN!!! Ask them to do the same while you are speaking. Again, always try to see the fight from your partner's view as well as your own.

Fair fighting in a relationship is a committment to your relationship, a committment to each other. It helps to understand each other and each other's needs.

The goal in fair fighting in a relationship is to get the anger out, get the hurt out, get those feelings validated without alienating your partner.

Remember, you love each other for a reason. You chose to be together for a reason. Take responsibility for your faults as well. Remember, if you are the wrong one, Say I AM SORRY. Don't let pride get in the way. Don't always expect to resolve issues all at once. No matter what the experts say, it is OK to go to bed mad sometimes. All issues can't be resolved right away.


ArticleSource:http://www.articlesbase.com/dating-articles/how-to-fight-fair-in-relationships-4304636.html#ixzz1JVgsrmtB
Under Creative Commons License: Attribution

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Lyrics Of The Week: Sure Thing

Sure Thing
-Miguel

Love you like a Bride
Treat you like a friend
Respect you like a lover

You could bet that
Never gotta sweat that [x4]

If you be the cash
I'll be the rubberband
You be the match
Imma be your fuse
Boom!
Painter baby you
Could be the muse
I'm the reporter baby
You could be the news
Cause your the cigarette
And I'm the smoker
We raise a bet...
Cause your a joker
Truth tho...
You are the chalk
And I could be the blackboard
And you can be the talk
And I could be the walk

Even when the sky comes falling
Even when the sun don't shine
I got faith in you and I
So put your pretty little hand in mine
Even when we're down to the wire babe
Even when it's do or die
We can do it baby simple and plain
cuz this love is a sure thing

You could bet that
Never got to sweat that [x4]

You could be the lover
I'll be the fighter babe
If I'm the blunt
You could be the lighter babe
Fire it up!
Writer babe
You could be the quote
If I'm the lyric baby
You could be the note
Record that!
Saint, I'm a sinner
Prize, I'm a winner
And it's you
What can I do to deserve that
Paper baby
I'll be the pen
Say that I'm the one
Cause you are ten
real and not pretend!

Even when the sky comes fallin
Even when the sun don't shine
I got faith in you and I
So put your pretty lil hand in mine
Even when were down to the wire babe
Even when it's do or die
We can do it babe simple and plain
Cause this love is a sure thing

Rock wit me baby
Let me hold you in my arms
Talk to with me baby

Even when the sun don't shine
I got faith in you and I
So put your pretty lil hand in mine
Even when were down to the wire babe
Even when it's do or die
We can do it babe simple and plain
Cause this love is a sure thing

Rock wit me baby
Let me hold you in my arms
Talk to with me baby
[x2]

This love
Between you and I
As simple as pie baby
Such a sure thing
Oh is it a sure thing [x2]

Even when the sky comes fallin
Even when the sun don't shine
I got faith in you and I
So put your pretty little hand in mine
Even when we're down to the wire babe
Even when it's do or die
We can do it baby simple and plain
This love is a sure thing

Love you like a bride
Treat you like a friend
Respect you like a lover



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3 Super Easy Ways to Create More Peace in Your Relationship or Marriage

By C. Pemo


While you might think that every relationship has its ups and downs, these changes in feelings do not have to be so violent, as they are in some more volatile partnerships. Why not find ways to keep your relationship on an even keel where you are not having the dramatic highs or the plummeting lows? Maybe you can create peace in your relationship! Here are some useful tips.


1) Learning to enjoy peace
What is interesting about being calm is that many people actually feel unsettled by it. Instead of being able to relax, people seem to feel like they are somehow missing out on something or not being realistic in some way. When they stop being so reactive to everything that happens, they can begin to feel like something is missing, and it is.

Being addicted to drama is just the same as any other addiction. In a relationship, when you become addicted to drama, you feel the splendor of the highs, and the horrible sadness of the lows.

But when you move away from either point, you can begin to feel so strongly that you become addicted to the feeling. When you are really low, you can get the attention of your friends and family to help you through the darker times.

This attention is calming and nurturing, allowing you to feel rewarded for the pain that you are in. On the other hand, when you are in the highs, the happiness that you feel is wondrous and you feel like you can do anything.

In order to truly create the idea of peace in your relationship, you need to begin to appreciate the idea of being steady and calm. Your relationship will have ups and downs, but they do not need to be as drastic in order to be normal. Try to find the quiet in your relationship by taking a few moments before reacting to something or taking some time to sit with your feelings instead of trying to experience them with others.


2) Finding peace
In your relationship, you can find peace, even if you are accustomed to drama. All you have to do is realize that you can be happy with peace. To do this, you will want to start keeping a list of the things that make you happy about your relationship.

This will allow you to have a reference point for when you are not feeling as happy about your relationship. You can pull out this journal or notebook whenever things feel worse than they are in order to remember where you have come from. Sadness passes, leave your self reminders of this.

On the other hand, when you are really happy, it can help to remind yourself that relationships are not necessarily going to be romantic stories every day. Seriously speaking, who has the energy? By looking again at your journal of the simple things that have made you happy, you can remember this as well.


3) Keeping the peace
In order to cultivate peace in your relationship, you will want to start a system of talking out problems before they begin. Set up a rule that you will always talk openly about things that are upsetting you and that the one that is listening will not react in any way to this kind of conversation.

This will allow you to find objectivity with your feelings and not automatically attribute your relationship as doomed when you have these feelings. Instead, you will want to change the way that you talk about your feelings. Try the third person, for example. When you start to place your feelings outside of your self and your relationship, you will allow yourself to see solutions that you can not always see in the complicated weave of emotions that you might be having.

This is not to say that you need to completely distance yourself from your relationship in order to find peace, but it does mean that you will want to remember that your relationship does not need to react to everything that happens around you. You can solve problems without becoming overly emotional or needing to create drama in order to balance yourself out.

A peaceful relationship will feel odd at first when you are used to otherwise. However, when you realize how warm and comfortable a peaceful relationship can be, you will start to see the value in not having such strong reactions to everything, and your relationship will flourish because of your peace.



Article Source:http://EzineArticles.com/5556154




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Communication Pitfalls and Pointers for Couples

By Margarita Tartakovsky, M.S.

Communication is the bedrock of relationships. But when two people with different backgrounds, perspectives and concerns get together, there are many things that can go wrong along the way.
Susan Heitler, Ph.D, a Denver-based clinical psychologist who works with couples and authored the book The Power of Two: Secrets of a Strong & Loving Marriage, shares five common communication pitfalls and practical ways to overcome them.

1. Pitfall: Not knowing the rules.
Constructive communication has various principles, some of which you or your partner might not know naturally. Or you might have different expectations and totally different communication styles.
For instance, your childhood has a lot to do with how you communicate. “If you grew up in a family where discussion meant debate, you’ll talk very differently than if you grew up in a family where discussion meant sharing perspectives and building new ideas together,” Heitler says.

Also, some people don’t realize that when they’re communicating, they might be doing something that’s hurtful to their partner. Hurtful behaviors include interpreting, criticism and name-calling, Heitler says.

Interpreting can look like this, according to Heitler: While the wife is washing the dishes and the husband is sitting on the couch reading a book, she assumes that he thinks dishes are a woman’s job and that there’s no way that he’d join her let alone be willing to take dishes on as his responsibility. “Her interpretation blocks her from asking to find out how in fact he would feel about shifting their after-dinner routines,” Heitler says.

When it comes to criticism, a wife who feels she’s not being listened to might say, “When I had problems with my co-workers, you blew me off.” Criticism can easily lead to name-calling, Heitler says. The spouse might—in her mind or out loud—call her husband selfish. Such conversations can then escalate into a blowout.

Pointer: Instead of interpreting, ask your partner, “How come you’re reading while I’m washing the dishes?” Heitler says. The answer might be as simple as the husband getting so engrossed in the book that he didn’t even know that she was doing the dishes.

Instead of criticizing your partner, discuss your concerns. If you feel like your partner isn’t listening to you, ask about their reaction. “What did you think about what I said?” If they say that they’d rather not talk about it, you can inquire why.


2. Pitfall: Aiming for compromise.
You might be surprised to learn that looking for compromise is a pitfall, but compromise produces two losers. As Heitler says, compromise is a “lose-lose solution” for the couple that “leaves both partners feeling compromised.” A win-win solution, by contrast, occurs when her-way meets his-way and creates an our-way, she says.

Pointer: The key is to talk about the specifics of your and your partner’s underlying concerns, and be responsive to them. When you understand both partners’ concerns, the two of you can brainstorm specific solutions. This approach works best when couples take potentially overwhelming issues and break them down into smaller concrete concerns that can be addressed one at a time.

For instance, Heitler worked with a married couple who had disagreements about having kids. He loved his high-intensity job as a trial attorney, for which he worked late nights almost every weekday. She wanted to have a big family, which she said she couldn’t handle on her own.

A compromise would’ve meant her saying that they can have two kids and him saying that he’ll get home at six, Heitler says. However, for both partners, this would’ve been a raw deal.

But when they discussed their underlying concerns, they came up with a win-win solution. To help with the children, they decided to hire nannies, one of whom could stay in the evenings. “Her concern was more about handling children and less about how much time they spent as a couple,” Heitler says. But she did have some concern about spending time together. The couple decided that once a month, they’d go on a weekend getaway. Over time, the husband didn’t want to miss out on family time, so he ended up cutting his hours anyway.


3. Pitfall: Playing pin the tail on the donkey.
After an upsetting situation, you might think that the goal of looking back at what happened it is to figure out who’s at fault. If you’re using the words “you should have,” that’s a giveaway that you’re playing the blame game, Heitler says.

Pointer: Look back at your own behavior and ask yourself what you can do differently in the future. As Heitler says, “it’s not your job to decide what your partner should do differently but to decide what you could do differently.”

Heitler says that signs that you’re learning are when you say things like “Next time, I think I will” or “Next time I think I could.” Consider starting with these words when brainstorming your own future actions.


4. Pitfall: Letting escalating emotions take over.
“The hotter you get, the more likely it is that you’ll race full speed ahead down the criticism and blame road. To stay on the road to mutual understanding and solution-building, avoid overheating,” Heitler says. Excessive emotions can derail a conversation and turn it into a full-blown fight.

Pointer: When you’re frustrated, angry or upset, it’s best to pause the conversation. “Give yourself some time, and even a brief walk into a separate physical space, to calm down,” Heitler says.
If you can’t seem to de-escalate your emotions, then table the talk for another day. Make an agreement with your partner that when the conversation starts to heat up, you’ll stop.


Article Source:http://psychcentral.com/lib/2011/5-communication-pitfalls-and-pointers-for-couples/



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Quote Of The Week: Audrey Hepburn

"The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman is seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides. True beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It's the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows & the beauty of a woman only grows with passing years."

-Audrey Hepburn



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Poem Of The Week: Jada

Jada
By Tupac Shakur

You are the omega of my heart
The foundation of my conception of love
When I think of what a black woman should be
It's you that I first think of

You will never fully understand
How deeply my heart feels for you
I worry that we'll grow apart
And I'll end up losing you

You bring me to climax without sex
And you do it all with regal grace
You are my heart in human form
A friend I could never replace  

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Marriage [Relationship] rules to break...sometimes

~Traditional wisdom about ways to keep a marriage happy is occasionally not-so-wise and can even be damaging.~


(CBS News)
What if the traditional keys to a happy marriage, such as always share a bed, don't go to bed angry, honesty is the best policy, the kids come first, and so on, are wrong?

Sometimes, those rules for wedded bliss can actually be outdated, even damaging.


"If there's no spark, you're doomed"
Many married couples understand intellectually that they won't always experience that I've-been-drugged-by-love feeling in a long-term relationship. But many still believe that when the spark dies out, it means they're in the wrong relationship. But it turns out the happiest couples are friends who share lives and are compatible in interests and values. According to research from the National Marriage Project at Rutgers University, the idea that marriage success rests on romantic love and good luck is a myth. In reality, most couples say that their long-term marriages are successful because of commitment and companionship. In other words, long-term relationships survive on commitment and trust, out of which grows love. The mistake here is to believe that you can live forever on fireworks, or even just love, alone.

Solution: Instead of thinking all love is lost, calm down and remember that long term marriages are successful because of commitment and companionship, not spark.


"Partners should share the same hobbies"
New studies show that increasingly, modern couples are looking for relationships that help them accumulate knowledge and fulfilling experiences, a process called "self-expansion." Research shows that the more self-expansion people experience from their partners, the more committed and satisfied they are in the relationship. That concept explains why people are delighted when dates treat them to new experiences, like a weekend away. In fact, a study from University of California at Santa Cruz found that new relationships literally broadened the way their test-takers looked at themselves.

Solution: Pursue your separate interests and find activities you both enjoy. Varied interests and hobbies can actually be a good thing- especially if you talk about them with your with partner.


"Never go to bed angry"
Trying to work through a problem when you're tired and stressed won't get you anywhere. When people are overwhelmed by anger, they experience a physiological response that causes the heart rate and hormone levels to increase - and it becomes almost impossible to resolve a conflict fairly. How do you know when you're not getting anywhere? When you find yourself using words like "always" and "never" in an argument.

Solution: Agree to disagree for now, and to revisit the issue when you're rested.


"You should never sleep in separate beds"
It's a myth that couples always sleep better and more cozily together than apart. One partner may be a toss-and-turner, or one may hit the hay early while the other keeps a reading light burning till the wee hours. In fact, according to a (2005) survey conducted by the National Sleep Foundation, 31 percent of couples sleep in a separate bed, bedroom, or on the couch to ensure that they both get a good night's rest It's not the end of your marriage, if one of you occasionally decamps to the guest room. Just be sure a separate-bed habit isn't about avoiding sex or physical intimacy.

Solution: Don't sweat it. Getting a good night's sleep is crucial to the health of your mind, body and marriage.


"If you fight, you're headed for divorce"
That's a total myth! Studies show that it's not whether you fight but how you fight that matters: research from the University of Michigan shows that the fighting style most likely to lead to divorce is -- when one partner tries to face problems directly and the other partner withdraws and avoids the issue. Interestingly -- the study found that the spouses who deal with conflicts constructively may actually "view their partners' habit of withdrawing as a lack of investment in the relationship rather than an attempt to cool down."

Solution: Find ways to fight healthily and productively (without blaming, name-calling and the like), but that said, being committed to respectfully airing out conflicts is a far better rule than keep your mouth shut.


"Once you have children, they come first"
Most of us have seen the couples who feel like they have to put their relationship on hold in order to be good parents, but those couples may have it backwards. Making your relationship top priority is better not just for you, but for your children who need to see you in charge and who feel safer and more secure with parents who have a loving relationship. Research has shown that new moms who spent markedly less time alone with their husbands were more likely to report a decline in satisfaction with their marriages. Obviously there may be economic reasons for why a couple can't spend more time together (babysitters are expensive), but some mothers may have extended networks of friends and family who can pitch in with kids .

Solution: Create couple-only time during which you do not discuss bills or children, where you do fun activities and enjoy each other's company." The kids'll be all right.


"Always be 100 percent honest"
In marriage, no-holds-barred honesty is not always the best policy. For example, "you don't need to share details of past relationships. "That invites comparisons, and when you compare, someone comes up short."

Solution: You need to be polite and caring when it comes to your partner's feelings.


"Never vacation without each other"
The received wisdom here is that if you have time off from your jobs and lives, you should naturally prefer to spend it together. One problem with this rule is that you and your spouse may not have the same definition of a great getaway (you like to ski, he's a beach bum). The other danger, is the belief "that you have to be each other's everything, and that's just not realistic."

Solution: Just be aware! Sometimes, you need a spa weekend, and he may want to go camping (or vice versa). Just be sure that you don't always take off without each other.


"Boring is bad"
The problem with this so-called rule is when couples confuse a calm, predictable union with a bad one. A drama-filled relationship may feel exciting, but in the long run it's not likely to be healthy. Isn't it better to "boringly" know where your spouse is every night than to be "excited" by constant ups and downs? "Better to have a safe, relaxed, 'boring' life together in the everyday.

Solution: You can always inject excitement with vacations and activities.


Article Source:http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2011/03/31/earlyshow/living/relationships/main20049148.shtml


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Lyrics Of The Week: "You're All I Need To Survive"

You're All I Need To Get By

-Marvin Gaye & Tammi Terrell 


You're all I need to get by

Like sweet morning dew, I took one look at you
And it was plain to see you were my destiny
With arms open wide I threw away my pride
I'll sacrifice for you, dedicate my life to you
I will go where you lead, always there in time of need
And when I lose my will you'll be there to push me up the hill

There's no, no looking back for us
We got love sure enough, that's enough
You're all, you're all I need to get by

You're all I need to get by

Like an eagle protects his nest, for you I'll do my best
Stand by you like a tree and dare anybody to try and move me
Darling in you I found strength where I was torn down
Don't know what's in store but together we can open any door
Just to do what's good for you and inspire you a little higher
I know you can make a man out of a soul that didn't have a goal

'Cause we, we got the right foundation and with love and determination
You're all, you're all I want to strive for and do a little more
You're all, all the joys under the sun wrapped up into one
You're all, you're all I need, you're all I need, you're all I need to get by

Oh babe, oh babe, honey, honey, honey
Yeah, I need you darlin', oh I need, oh baby
I'm better than that, all I could need, I need tonight
Oh, oh your love

~lOVE 2 B lOVED

Stop Being Too Nice

By  Felicity MacKaye


One of the most prominent beliefs women have about dating is that they should be “nice girls” – the kind of women who are willing to make a commitment to make their relationship the biggest priority in their lives. They are happy to put their man first and devote considerable time and attention to growing their relationship. They try to be agreeable and take their man’s wants and needs to heart whenever they make any decision so the relationship is as smooth and conflict-free as possible.

Unfortunately, men have a different idea of what a “nice girl” is. When men think of “nice girls,” they think of someone who has no life of her own and who can’t make decisions for herself. She’s a girl who doesn’t know what she wants, doesn’t have much self confidence, and who welcomes a relationship with any guy who wants her. She isn’t much of a challenge because she’s willing to drop everything if he needs her and she will bend over backwards at his beck and call.

Some women approach relationships as the subservient partner. They let their man take the reins over who she is, who she interacts with, and what she does. Sometimes they will even stop doing things they enjoy because their man doesn’t want her to continue. They start to dress in the way their man wants them to. They take up his interests and hobbies. And they support him in his life goals – to the detriment of their own self-image and personal goals.

The problem with this approach lies in self-respect. If you are willing to do what it takes to “make a relationship work” with any old guy – to the point where you compromise your interests – you are giving away your power. And no one can respect someone who doesn’t respect herself.

Respect is a crucial component to any healthy relationship, and without it, the relationship dies.

The truth is that quality men don’t want to take control of your life. They want an engaging, positive woman who runs her own life, and whom they can spend time with.

It is absolutely essential to put yourself first, voice your own opinions, and pursue your dreams.

We teach others how to treat us by the way we treat ourselves. The more you exude uncertainty, indecisiveness, and doubt, the more likely you will attract others to you who will walk all over you.
They act by example. If you don’t respect yourselves, no one else will.

The solution to this problem is to develop a healthy disregard of what other people think. Yes, sometimes another person’s feedback is helpful and constructive, but if you constantly assess your own worth based on what other people think, what the media deems as the “perfect” woman, or how others define “success,” you are setting yourself up for failure.

No matter what you do, you won’t be able to please everyone. And the more you try to please everyone, the more you ignore your own needs and wants.

Instead of spending all your time focusing on who your parents, friends, dates, coworkers and others think you should be, respect yourself enough to follow your dreams and prioritize your passions. It’s your responsibility look out for your own best interests.




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Balancing College and Relationships

By Victoria Riollano


Do you find yourself overwhelmed with school work and your relationships? If you do, join the crowd!

Entering college is single-handedly one of the most exciting experiences that many people will encounter. Navigating the hallways of school, being introduced to crazy new roommates, and gaining the "freshmen fifteen" are things many of us can relate to. Not to mention the schoolwork that never ceases to end! Adding a relationship into the mix seems to magnify the intensity of college. How does one manage to complete all the course work, rest, and hang out with their partner or roomies? The answer is simple, time management.

Let’s face facts, most of us would rather go to the movies or the mall than write a paper or study for a test. In fact, some people would rather skip class than  learn. After all, no one is forcing you to attend or really keeping tabs after the first week or two. The truth of the matter is that the purpose of college is to learn about your desired field  to help you in your future career. In other words, it would be wise to restructure your time so that you can maximize your college experience.

Here are a couple of tips that can help you manage…

Prioritize- Create a list of what is the most important for you right now? Be specific, which classes require the most studying, and which ones are your “easy A’s”?

Schedule-Create a schedule and stick to it. Schedule your study times and your hanging out times and stick to it. For instance, if you only have class on Tuesday and Thursday, you may want to dedicate Monday and Wednesday from 10:00 AM- 12:30 PM for studying. This leaves your whole weekend open for fun. Make this schedule realistic for you. If you are the type that needs to study for hours, schedule that. However, if you can pass a test by taking notes in class and skimming the material later, you may not need to set aside as much time. Be sure to schedule time to hang out also!

Consider extending your study time- Spread out the study time instead of cramming at the last minute. Doing this gives you more wiggle room if an emergency comes up and you can not study the day or two before the test. This will relieve some of the stress of the test and allow you to spend time with your partner without feeling guilty about not studying the entire time.



Article Sorce:http://www.examiner.com/twentysomething-relationships-in-mobile/balancing-college-and-relationships




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Quote of the Week: Robert Heinlein

"Love is the condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own."  -Robert Heinlein

Lyrics Of The Week

Love and Happiness
-Al Green

Love and happiness...
something that can make you do wrong, make you do right...
Love...

Love and happiness
Wait a minute...
something's going wrong
someone's on the phone
three o'clock in the morning
talkin' about how she can make it right
well,
happiness is when you really feel good with somebody
nothing wrong with being in one with someone
oh, baby, love and happiness
love and happiness...
love and happiness...

Love and happiness
You be good to me
I'll be good to you
we'll be together
we'll see each other
walk away with victory
oh baby,
love and happiness...
love and happiness...

Make you do right... love'll make you do wrong...
make you come home early...
make you stay out all night long...
the power of love...

wait a minute,
let me tell you...
the power of love...
make you do right... love'll make you do wrong...
make you want to dance...
love and happiness...
love and happiness...

love is... wait a minute... love is...
walkin' together...
talkin' together...
say it again...
say it together...
Mmmm....

~lOVE 2 B lOVED